Author: Star

Once upon a time, in my introductory post, I mentioned that all of the members of my constellation – which, for those keeping track, is currently standing at 9 people – are in d/s (dominant/submissive) relationships with our respective partners. For the most part, the structure has been pretty straightforward – the males of the group are dominant, the females submissive. I am the monkey-wrench thrown in the works: the lone switch. For the vanillas in the audience, a switch is a person who does not take on one consistent role in BDSM dynamics. Kink educator Midori has called switches…

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about why couples are so appealing to me. The first thing I need to put out there is that it’s not the sex. Threesomes are lovely, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t have a particular yearning for a threesome over one-on-one sex, and historically I have not found them more satisfying. So that comment is out of the way.

One of the most common questions that gets thrown out into the ether by people entering the world of non-monogamy, is “How do you deal with jealousy?” This is a totally valid and important question, but it’s also important to remember that jealousy is a different animal in a polyamorous relationship than in a monogamous one.

It occurred to me today – well, many times, but I only dwelled enough on the subject to write about it today – that the wedding ring, which once was the universal sign for “don’t even try to flirt with me” has lost that aspect of its meaning in my life. How many people do we know who are happily married and also romantically available? I am on that list.

The prompt for this post was a misunderstanding between myself and a local member of the sex-positive community. He posted a status update on a social networking site stating that he was “seek[ing] bisexual, poly switch. Must be decisive, consistent and not fear commitment.” I re-posted his statement on my Twitter account, thinking to myself, “Wow. That actually sounds a whole lot like what I’m looking for.” I was surprised to see words that I found so very apt coming out of someone else’s mouth – or, I suppose, fingers. I was pleased and impressed.

Hello, my name is Star. I have a husband. My husband has a girlfriend. His girlfriend has another boyfriend, who has a wife, and his wife happens to also be her girlfriend. Yep. Need a diagram yet? Well, it’s a good thing that I happen to have one prepared.