Author: Harper Eliot

Avatar

Harper Eliot is a writer and podcaster whose work mainly centers around eroticism and social observation. You can find an archive of work, and links to all her other projects, on her website Harper Eliot. Harper lives in London, but rarely sees her own house, spending most of her time on public transport, listening to podcasts and tweeting too much. Her vices include cigarettes, lubricant, Earl Grey tea, opera, nail polish, and pinwheels.

Just over a year ago – in fact, to be precise, 402 days ago, because I just checked the messages that will exist somewhere in the internet for all eternity – my darling cohort/sister-slut Molly kindly tried to set me up with a friend of a friend. He seemed pleasant enough; older than me, dominant, with a not unpleasant voice, and very non-monogamous. We started talking, and at first it seemed that we matched in many important ways; we could both see the potential for some kind of future, and the whole thing had that exciting shine to it. However,…

Read More

I have of late, but wherefore I know not, become rather curious about my partners’ other relationships, or at the very least their other interests. It began in a quiet fashion, a few weeks ago, on Daddy-daughter day, when my Daddy and I were walking through Marylebone, and we found ourselves passing by many pretty, well-turned out women. In the throngs of blonde, I found myself wondering what kind of women my Daddy looks at when we’re out and about. Neither of us are of a particularly shy persuasion, so I asked him, outright; and being the perfect gentleman he…

Read More

In many ways, the technology we have in the 21st century enables non-monogamy. There are so many benefits: ease of communication, a wealth of informative resources, a worldwide community, dating sites aimed specifically at open romances, shared calendars so that everyone is in the know! – honestly, I could easily go on. There is much to celebrate; the internet has expanded minds and developed knowledge bases; it has started conversations and sparked lifelong friendships; it has inspired businesses and made us all feel a little less lonely. However, let’s be honest: it’s not always quite that rosy. The worldwide web…

Read More

Do you remember, way back when, in the mists of last September, I was so very concerned about how on earth I was going to manage classes, and work, and podcasts, and columns, and relationships? Well! somehow I have survived the year, and right around the corner, almost a glowing reward, are four significantly less stressful months. No classes, over a month off work, sunshine, perhaps even a holiday! And with all this extra time you can imagine where my mind is being allowed to wander: no, not to beaches and books, but to excessively filthy, kinky imaginings. Spanking and…

Read More

Like many of you, I am a great believer in the power of communication. That’s not to say I find it easy, or have mastered the courage it often takes, but I do believe, especially when it comes to relationships and especially when it comes to polyamory, that honest conversation can save everyone many headaches. But as with everything in life, it’s not that simple. There are as many nuances to communication as there are to relationships themselves, and knowing what to communicate and when is no easy task. Two years ago I was in a (very) long-distance relationship with…

Read More

When your friends tell you you need a boyfriend, you might need (to stop weeping over your lack of) a boyfriend, or they might just be concerned about your promiscuity, or you might need to stop humping their legs. When two out of your three current partners tell you you need a boyfriend, and the third offers to help you find one, you need a boyfriend. There are two parts of this upon which I would like to expound; and two parts within each of those parts; and perhaps two parts within those, and so on and so forth. In…

Read More

Once upon a time, fifty-two mini-articles about non-monogamy ago, there lived a girl. That’s right – this piece marks a year of my Life on the Swingset column, The Novice Non-Monogamist, and just over a year of identifying as non-monogamous. There has been happiness and heartache, tears and joy, frustration and contentment… but mostly there has been a lot of contemplation. I have written many pieces about jealousy and time-management and communication and various forms of non-monogamy, and hopefully learned something along the way. For myself, I have brought a new person into my life, and I have transitioned (or…

Read More

Remember way back in the late Summer when every other post I wrote was about time or lack thereof? Well I’ve decided I have now left an appropriate amount of time between the last time I wrote about time and this time. Except today I don’t have many answers, just a question. But let me explain. Since the beginning of 2014, the one thing my life continues to prove to me, as concerns time, is that I am destined to spend more and more of it alone. On the one hand this is nice because I really need the rest,…

Read More

Over the past couple of years – maybe a little longer, – since I started reading about and investigating the idea of ethical non-monogamy, I have accumulated knowledge of many hundreds of guidelines. Some set out as rules and regulations; some more like best practice; others just little tips that may or may not work in the case of difficult moments. Key things, such as openness and honesty and communication, have proven to be pretty important. In fact, most of the things I have read from well-researched sources have, over the past thirteen months, turned out to be extremely helpful…

Read More

I believe that people come to non-monogamy, or are non-monogamous, for a variety of reasons. Some don’t believe in limiting their romantic love to one person; others perhaps revel in its progressiveness, finding yet another way to stand as an example of change; there are also people who simply are not good at monogamy, who find themselves cheating (and good for them for facing that honestly, and addressing it). Others, like me, may also identify a need to spread their desires around a little; after all, available, middle-aged, intelligent, Daddy dominant, bedtime-story-reading, sadistic men who want to commit themselves to…

Read More