Okay, let me start with this; boys, calm down, this isn't for everyone; girls, don't get so excited, this isn't as easy as I am going to make it sound, and your man will most likely have a screaming cow if you try to get him on board without the full understanding of what you are asking him to do, how it works, and how it can be a wonderful experience for him in so many ways. Trust me girls, get him to read this, and he will totally be on your side. 😉
Male chastity…ah…there…I said it…now let's talk about it. It has benefits, I promise it does. It also has its pit falls, if not properly managed.
Here's how it should work; your boy (yes, I said her boy. Don't look at me like that, you know you like it when she kisses you just above your sweaty brow and tells you what a good boy you have been) should be kept in chastity as a means of controlling his more base needs. Ahem…. let me say that again… maybe in less gracious terms. Put his dick on a leash. That statement should be considered purely for boys who can not, no matter what you do, keep it in their pants. Obviously, the same can be said and be just as effective for women. Verbal commands for orgasm, tasks that lead to release when the dominant is away, things of that nature can all be imposed on the female of the species as well. (what, did you think because I am a woman I was going to ignore this? C'mon. Really?!)
The reasons for this could vary, as anything else, from couple to couple. The benefits are pretty simple; you know he won't cheat, you can teach him to withstand sexual play for longer periods of time, and in general, just get him to do whatever you want. From the dominant point of view, I feel that sexual release by my boys is something they should earn. After all, BDSM and sex do not really have to tie in together, though it is ideal if they do, since the lifestyle is so sexual in nature, and tends to prey on the sexual beast in all of us.
Damn, I digressed again. Hang on, I'm re-routing the train.
Chastity isn't just about not having sex, it isn't just about not getting off. It is about controlling every aspect of the orgasm, and in most healthy relationships, there has been some level of chastity play. In example, ladies, you have all teased your man with either a lap dance, or grinding your hips over his while hovering just out of reach as you held him down by the wrists and growled sexy things in his ear. You have also, I am sure, begged him, “not yet, not yet…wait and cum with me…” Yes, yes you have. I know this to be true, because it is done even by my canonized saint of a grand mother when she wears that perfume that drove my grand father crazy when they were young. Hell, I know I personally play like this even when I am in a submissive stance with a mouth full of cock. I will tease and hold back, push and do little flips with the tongue that are designed to drive nails of pleasure to an intensity that makes it impossible to cum no matter how bad he wants to. These are all forms of orgasm control, which is a form of chastity.
As I have said, from the dominant aspect, I use sex as a reward for a job well done. Generally, I do not ask my subs to jump through hoops, and instead focus on them overcoming personal flaws, or making effort towards goals for themselves. (I tend to be about the betterment of the person over the service that the person extends to me…) I also do not sleep with my subs. (For me, the idea behind domination resides in female supremacy, and I find in that regard, most boys simply do not have what it takes to get my attention and hold it long enough to get naked with them. Yes, I know, I am a bitch.) To that end, I will generally have either subs that are married or have a girlfriend, subs that are actually gay, (don't ask, it is kind of hard to explain) or subs that I will simply send away to a dark corner to masturbate. (Perhaps I am a bit of a masturbatrix after all…hmm…) In all of these things, I am present in some form or another.
For married subs, they have to call in and explain to me how they wooed the wife into a sexual interlude that has more intensity than what they are used to. There are, of course, a million other ways to allow this release, but the fact is, if they have done well, I will allow them to release. Many times, I will make them do things before hand, so that even if I am not right there with them, I am in their mind, and so that they will remember that I am being gracious enough to allow this. It does not matter to me what they do, who they do it with, or how they do it, all that matters is that I am in control of when it happens, and that I am in some way involved, even if minimally, so that I am the reason they are getting off.
With out me this does not happen. That is the element that is required. Here is why; first of all, if you are the reason they are getting off, then they learn to associate you with the feeling, they learn to need you to be able to achieve that feeling. (oh, here she goes again – circular thinking, because this is one of the down falls). For example, I had a male sub that I would allow to kneel before me, press his face to my crotch, and masturbate. He was not allowed to touch me, kiss me, open his mouth (in fact, he was most often hand cuffed and ball gagged so he wouldn't even be tempted) or interact with me sexually in any way. When I felt that it was time for him to climax, I would step back, lower myself to his level and make him look me in the eyes as I commanded him to, “show me.” (This is not the direct command that I would use, but it was some variance there of). Later, after I had released him, he would call and beg me to let him come over and earn release. His statement to me was that he could not actually achieve orgasm without looking me in the eyes. Of course I didn't believe him, and it took his girlfriend calling me and telling me it was true. The point is, I had him trained to a point that he would have been useless to any one else. Breaking this effect is difficult, and it can take some time and patience.
Let's be honest, we live in a day and age where no relationship lasts forever, so, I would try to blend controlling the orgasm with regular release. Using methods so Pavlovian could result in some psychological issues, because you could get some one unbalanced in the head and then you have large issues; very large; very angry; very unhappy issues. It gets messy after that, and often does not result in a happily ever after that most people would like.
The flip side to that is this? How fucking hot is that? He can't get off with out me? Reow! I am the god of fuck!
There are so many creative ways that you can play with this, it does not have to be about rewards, or BDSM. The tease aspect of male chastity is one that I find to be the most intoxicating, as it plays on the mental aspect of sexuality, which is the aspect that I love the most.
In closing, and the whole point of what I am trying to say, (you can tell I have spent some time in the south. I am long-winded as hell.) Chastity isn't this big scary thing with CBT 6500K's or whatever the hell they are. Chastity, male or female, is simply about the control of the orgasm, and the way that it happens. Most people play on this in their day-to-day sex life, even if it is nothing more than simple lap dancing, or begging for release with your partner. This really does not have to be about BDSM.
Now, go tie your partner up, and make them beg for it, I promise, you will never feel anything more powerful than that.