Hall Pass – When Swingers Play Separately

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Hall Pass - When Swingers Play SeparatelyThe issue of hall passes has come up a lot lately. When I played with the wife half of a couple during my New Orleans trip, she discussed how she and her husband occasionally issue each other hall passes since he travels so frequently on business and they have little opportunity to play together.

Then of course, the movie Hall Pass recently came to video, a film in which two guys claim they want hot sex and their wives finally give them hall passes for the week. I have to say that in the middle of the movie when the guy turns down the proposition from the babysitter and her aunt, I found that highly unrealistic. Seriously—the chance of a lifetime for a threesome, with permission from your wife and you are going to say no? Doubtful.

Now the subject is coming up in our relationship… or rather I am pondering offering hall passes to Mr. Doubleplay. I’m going to be taking our family on an extended four-month trip to the other side of the world. Mr. D. will be staying home for most of the time.

I have no plans to play while I am gone. I’ll be far too busy with family. And even if I could get away, I don’t trust the sanitary conditions of the country where I am heading. The risks would be way too high.

But poor Mr Doubleplay will be home by his lonesome for a very long time. Certainly lap dances at the local strip club will be permitted. But I am also considering some permitted visitations with our favorite couples, if they are willing to have a single guy join them.

I’d be curious to hear from other couples who have made use of the hall pass rule. Any advice for a hall pass newbie?

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Mrs. Doubleplay is 40-something mom living in the middle of America with kids, a career, and pretty house in the suburbs. She’s active in her local church, coaches the kids’ soccer games, and happens to have a secret life as a swinger. Married to her high school sweetheart, Mr. Doubleplay, the couple dipped their toes in the lifestyle for a couple of years but then dropped off the radar to have kids. They rejoined the lifestyle in 2005 and haven’t looked back. They have been soft swap from the start but are working their way toward greater forms of adventure as we meet hot couples on lifestyle vacations, swinger clubs, and online websites.

9 Comments

  1. Avatar
    Swingerwifeinfl on

    I have given The Hubs a few hallpasses to play with a girl we had already played with several times. I can only tell you that for me, even being OK with it, I still felt strange having to get all the hot details second as a replay. The major difference for you would be that you’re in another country, and I just had to stay home due to lack of child care! So I literally sat watching tv wondering how it was going!

    It was also a let down to me, since I couldn’t experience his excitement etc.

    Good luck with the hall pass and the trip!

    • Avatar
      Mrs. Doubleplay on

      I don’t think we are at the point where I could be happy with Mr D out having a great time while I was home with the kids and the tv though. That would make me resentful I think.  I not as generous as you–yet! I hope you get your share of just desserts as well! 🙂

  2. Avatar

    Hubby and I have played separately quite frequently in the last 6 months.  I think the most difficult part is making sure you don’t feel left out, which is hard, because you are.  Techniques that we use to help that are: 
    – check in with the left out partner and update them, let them know you are thinking of them even when they are not there
    – have someone else that who you have played with chat with you and keep you feeling the love
    – Be 100% honest all the time! Both of you! Not easy when it comes to feelings like lonliness or guilt.
    – Understand if things go further or longer than they intend, the person who is out is having a real fun sexy time, and can get completely caught up in the moment, but that doesn’t mean they don’t love and think about you. If they make a mistake, address it, but understand that we all will and when its your turn making the mistake you will want the love, support and forgiveness of your partner.
    – Respect their time together.  This is where things are a little different than same room swinging, you have to trust that your partner is going to do right by you (but understand if they make a mistake, it happens) and allow them to enjoy their time together with out phone calls, text messages etc from you.  You should be confident enough to know you are their number 1.
    -IF they are cool with it, have your hubby call you while he is tangled up with them and just listen…gets you involved and can be SO hot!
    -eroticise it. make it a fantasy before it happens and then you imagine it AS it’s happening and instead of getting jealous, you get turned on 🙂 ALSO, recaps during reconnecting with your partner can be amazingly hot!

    Re-address any rules you have AND this is really important: outline expectations, hopes, and possibilities.  You both should be on the same page about what will or wont happen, and about any possibilities! (sex in public ok? drinks? where? bed off limits? quickies? romance? dinner? what if there is a rule broken, does play stop or do you just call and discuss later? etc etc)

    That’s all I have to playing apart specifically, but all the same communication stuff holds true and is even more critical because just because you had the discussion about rules, expectations etc, don’t be surprised if you both walk away with two different understandings – it happens.  So I guess the best advice I can give is have fun, and when it’s not fun, try to roll with it instead of making it a bigger deal than it is.

    ~Kristy
    ethicalnonmonogamy.blogspot.com

    • Avatar
      Mrs. Doubleplay on

      Kristy, you have some great advice and tipsI love the idea of being able to listen through the phone or to an audio recording later! That would give me some sexy times as well on this long journey! 

  3. Avatar

    “Hall Passes” are a running joke with us; mostly because of all the ones left unused. They are almost always issued with specific names on them, but we can ask for one at anytime. We like playing as a couple, or at least at the same party or club, even with separate playmates. It seems that when we are apart we don’t have as much interest in swinging. We travel a lot, her more than him, and since our business is lifestyle and swinger travel we are both still around many good friends whether at home or away.  So the opportunity is there, so are the willing playmates, but the drive to play just doesn’t seem as strong.

    Char & Jim

  4. Avatar

    Make sure you both are totally honest about what is ok and not ok with the hall pass. We have recently had a hall pass situation where I was out of town, the guidelines and rules were small ones, but they were crossed. Hard to remember rules when you are in the heat of the moment. but discuss this before hand so that the person left out will be aware it happens more times than not. The feeling of being forgotten is not one that is easy to get past. When you are on your hall pass, make sure to do things for your one at home, video, pictures, calls, texts. you need to show they are a part of your reason for being there. Otherwise it is only about you, and that is never good for a couple.

  5. Avatar

    I came across this while searching on how to handle playing separately. Mr Soul played for the first time without me this past weekend…twice!…while I was out of town. I have so many emotions going right now (NONE of them good) that it is a bit overwhelming. Kristy gave some great advice and we followed pretty much all of that except for calling during. All I can say is talk about it, talk some more and then talk again. Also, prepare yourself for the worst! If it happens and you DON’T deal well with, how do you handle that since sitting down together and talking about it isn’t an option?

    I’m curious if you did the hall pass and how it worked for you?

  6. Avatar
    Mrs Doubleplay on

    We are definitely shifting our rules,in large part due to the hot thing in town ( see my most recent blogs). She only plays,not her husband and DH and she are steamy hot for each other. We have played separately once at a club and that went well. Honestly I am okay with him playing with her but I can’t stand the thought of him having fun and me doing ordinary housewife stuff. I would be miserable thinking about it. Strangely when I am travelling I think i am fine with it but haven’t tried it yet. So we are inching our way…

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