It has been roughly six weeks since we had our first really bad swinging experience, described here. A couple weeks ago — after Mrs. Said and I had some time to process what happened (our part in it, his part in it, etc.) — we decided we were still VERY interested in swinging, but will be choosing our play partners more carefully and listening to our intuition more closely. One thing that helped a ton was ‘getting back on the horse' with our go-to couple. They know all about our experience and were the sweetest, most compassionate folks. And hot. And horny. But I digress.
Having decided we are still swingers, I took a leap and bought Mrs. Said some lingerie from an online shop that specializes in petite sizes. Mrs. Said is all OEM and in fantastic shape for a forty-something gal who has spit out a couple kids and lives a normal life (i.e. “lunch” consists of more than a can of tuna). She has wonderful ‘sport model' breasts that fall in the B range.
The next thing I know, she is modeling the lingerie and sending me photos on my phone. Dayum! We have a winner! I wanna hit THAT!
Pretty soon, the photo – a very tasteful shot of her in lingerie in our bathroom showing off her legs, abs, arms – appears on our profiles. “You go girl,” I thought. Her confidence level has really skyrocketed since we first contemplated swinging — and that attitude comes through strong in the pose she struck for the photo. Early on, we truly wondered if anyone would find us appealing enough to pursue. Well, check that. I knew people would find her attractive. I worried about me. Oddly enough, the same self-doubts weighed heavily on her mind.
Fast forward a few months and here we are. Several great experiences under our belt, a new-found sense of damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead. We like to promise less and deliver more so our photos are amateur, cell phone quality stuff. Kudos to those of you who get professional shots done. We haven't had that courage yet. Besides, when you see me naked I want you to have reasonable expectations (not airbrushed expectations).
No sooner had that photo gone up than the inbox started to bubble. We are back to juggling weekends on the calendar, managing initial meetings, etc. Hands down, Kasidie has the best ‘you have mail' dancing, licking envelope icon thingy. It makes me much happier than the blinking square on Lifestyle Lounge. But I digress.
In a first step for us (rather pitiful after >6 months in the lifestyle), we sent our first outbound “hi, you're cute, we like your profile, check us out” emails. Two of them. We decided on a top ten list of couples we would like to meet. Rather than dismiss ourselves we decided to let the OTHER couple decide whether we were attractive enough (on all applicable levels) to proceed. Before this, we relied entirely on inbound emails. Being the pursuer was very different from being pursued.
Days went by without a response. We talked ourselves off the ledge. “Nothing ventured, nothing gained. They were probably shallow anyway. I don't care if they don't think you are hot, I think you are hot.” Then we got a response. A very sweet response. We will meet the couple soon. We're batting 0.500!
The other couple? We laced up our cleats, swung for the fences and struck out. No response at all from them. Not even a “Thank you, you are very kind to ask, but we aren't into that Quasimodo thing”. Oh well. Our take-away from that experience is we will continue to answer every email, saying “no” in the most polite, respectful manner possible. Personally, we don't buy that “no response equals a polite no thank you” line you see in some profiles. An actual, polite “no thank you” does a much better job of that.
4 Comments
I second this — we need to put more pics on our profiles at our local sites and then let the inbox bubble too.
Thank you for answering every email you get. Many people don’t — and I don’t understand the thought behind that — it comes off as just basic rudeness — you wouldn’t ignore someone who was standing right in front of you… why ignore an email that someone took the time to craft and send – trying to put their best foot forward and explain why they think you are compatible.
However…if the email is a run of the mill AFF or PoF hookup-only one-liner, ignore those.
Yes, it’s a double standard. Deal with it. 😉
ya know…some people aren’t paying members and might not be able to respond ?
True, but we only initiate contact with people – and take inbound contacts seriously – when they are full, paying members. Some folks in the lifestyle enjoy indoctrinating the newbies (and thank God for them) but we prefer experienced, committed types.
I agree 100% about responding back to every email, even if it is a respectful “no thanks”. If someone goes through the effort of sending an email, then courtesy dictates to email back 🙂