The following is a guest blog from Mr Swapfu of the Swapfu podcast
I had been flirting with Janie most of the night. She sat cross legged on the barstool, a tiny thing in a gauzy white blouse and beads; she is smart, pretty and has an easy laugh. Her dancer body is thin, strong and pierced in a couple very cool places. I am sure I told her all these things and more as the evening wore on; I could tell I was getting to her as much as she was getting to me. We had exchanged a few caresses and many deep stares into each other’s eye. I could not have been happier when she agreed to come over for an after party.
At three-thirty that morning she was sitting in that same cross-legged way, only this time she was naked in my bed, she was holding my cock in one hand and rubbing my chest with the other.
“I watched a video on how to give a blow job and I have been dying to try what I learned,” she said.
And learn she had. It was awesome head, but I wanted more. I kissed her and she kissed me back, passionately. I wrapped my arm around her waist and spun her onto her back. I pushed myself between her legs. A couple more kisses, I got closer.
“Wait,” she said. “We can’t.”
“I want to. God! I really want to. But I can’t have sex with a married man.”
My wife and I met Janie right after her twenty-fifth birthday seven years ago and she found out we were swingers almost immediately. It happened when I drove her home after a night out and kissed her goodbye. One kiss turned into two and more. Suddenly, she stopped and asked me not to tell my wife. I told her that my wife and I had already talked about it and that it was OK with her if we kissed, or more. That killed the mood; I spent the next ten minutes answering questions about swinging. I left with a raging hard on, and her, I’m sure, with a lot to think about.
The incident in the bedroom happened a few years after that. Janie and I had remained friends and become closer. We flirted and made out on occasion. She had even gone on vacation to Mexico with us. She had seen my wife and I make out other people and have even walked in on me having sex with another woman. She took it all in stride, asked a lot of questions and even told us were both part of her erotic fantasies. In other words, I thought that she was down, or at least she had grown comfortable with our lifestyle. I was wrong. No married men.
This was not an isolated case; I heard the same story or some variant thereof from four women, all of whom are very close to my wife and me. My wife and I had played with all of them to some extent, but for some reason, these women – all of them single – will do everything short of having intercourse with me.
My theory is that most single women will only have intercourse if there is a chance that doing so will lead to a committed relationship. It doesn’t matter how remote that chance is, there has to be a chance. The sad part is that that chance includes cheating. In other words, if I were cheating on my wife as opposed to doing it with permission, the assumption is that my marriage is not a happy one, and therefore, there is a possibility that I would leave my wife to be with this other woman.
No chance. I am happily married to the love of my life. I would never leave her for anyone. If this disqualifies me as a sex partner for many single women so be it. But it’s not easy; it has left me frustrated and confused. Occasional we would find a single woman who would be willing to go all the way for a while, but it was always uncertain and definitely temporary. I’m not complaining, I’ve had my share. (Or as my wife says, I’ve had my and my three closest friends’ shares.) But damn the endless search for the single female!
Fortunately, my after much deliberation, about a year ago, my wife and I decided that we had had enough of hooking up with people who weren’t swingers. It took another 10 months before we got up the courage to go to the swinger club for the first time. We’ve been back four times and we recently had our first date with another couple at a hotel.
What a difference! I feel liberated. Now that we are only talking to other swingers about hooking up, what is OK and not OK is clearly laid out beforehand. Nobody is cheating on anybody else and there is at least the presumption that everyone in the club has sex as an objective, in one way or another. I only wish now we hadn’t been so reluctant to go the club for the first time. I would have saved myself a lot of grief.
Still, the night I spent with Janie was so hot it will stay with me forever. I am thrilled that even better awaits us in the lifestyle. If the last two months are indication, unlike Janie, it’s a sure thing.