This is Part 2 for the title but only because I got side tracked in writing Part 1.
We recently went to a house party. Ostensibly it was for swingers but there were numerous poly folks there are well. During a period of formal introductions, everyone was asked to answer what they were up for that evening. I understand the rationale for such a question during introductions. It can help people put out there immediately if they are no kissers or soft swap or newbies or whatever. In theory, it facilitates communication or puts everyone on the same page.
Unfortunately, it completely went off the rails because one of the first to answer this said, “We’re up for anything”. This then led almost every subsequent person to then answer the same way. Maybe it’s peer pressure to be like the cool kids? Maybe it seemed awkward or impossible to honestly answer it in a succinct introduction. Maybe individuals or couples hadn’t thought about it. Or maybe they honestly didn’t know what they would be up for until they were ready for it. I don’t know, but “Up For Anything” is what almost everyone said.
I call bullshit.
Next time this happens, I’m going to throw down the gauntlet and say, “Ok then put all of the men’s keys into this bowl because we are having a good old fashioned key party right fucking now with no more of this get to know each other bullshit conversation and you are having sex with whomever you draw. Ok?”
In my head, I imagine most of the people blanching while a few go, Oh Hell Yeah! Or maybe I’m wrong and people would be fine to cut through the socializing and my husband can cross that off of his sex fantasy bucket list.
In any event, no one is up for anything. Certainly not with just anybody. Here are just some of the things that I am not up for.
- Cum on me anywhere. Not on my hair. Not on my tits. Keep it in the condom. I look at that no differently than if you blew your snotty nose on me. Gross.
- Hitting me. Pulling my hair or other physical violence against me. I don’t get it. It isn’t sexy to me. It destroys the mood. It turns on my fight or flight response, mainly fight Don’t do it if you want to get laid or keep getting laid.
- Also, don’t assert during conversation that all women love being smacked. Also another way to never get with me because I will assume you are a complete idiot or asshole.
- Anal unless your dick is the size of a roll of dimes.
- Putting on girl-girl shows. I’m not an exhibitionist.
A few of the things I might be up for depending on who the other person is.
- Full body massage if you know what you’re doing.
- Full swap or if it becomes a general free for all then playing as a single.
- Anal if your dick is the size of a roll of dimes. And maybe DP so I can check this off my bucket list. Or even an airtight with my other partners.
- Taking your wife who wants some women only sex off to a private room with no one around to disturb us.
I’m not sure I’d come up with either of the above lists on the spot.
Maybe, if you’re hosting a house party it would be better to have a list of basic activities to read out and have people raise their hand if they are a “yes” for them. One would hope the couples would already be on the same page. How awkward if you say, “Up for playing as singles?” And the wife raises her hand while her partner glares at her.
But it’s still better to get this out in the open early. One of our most awkward moments in swinging was at Hedo when we were about to go play with a couple and they said they had no rules besides condoms. Then as we headed to the play rooms we asked about kissing because one of our rules for swapping is we don’t play with no kissers. The wife said no to kissing while the husband said yes. Then they started arguing with each other. We carefully backed away from the drama and thanked our lucky stars we’d avoided even worse drama later.