Recently I was perusing the interwebs, looking for my usual distractions in the form of video games, social networking and dirty pictures when I came across a link shared by Sex Educator, Kidder Kaper. In this link, Kidder coins a new word; the Kreplit. What's a Kreplit?
A unit of time and energy, love and affection that you have to give yourself and others in your life. Everyone needs a certain amount to be happy and content and everyone has a finite amount to give to others. Some need more than others and some have more to give than others.
This immediately struck a chord with me. Hey! Why don't more people talk about this issue? Isn't it more than important enough to have already had its own word? Having been non-monogamous since before I knew what monogamy meant and in the polyamorous community for roughly ten years, it occured me that I have never read an column or article dedicated to this particular issue. The notion of time and energy management has always been a side-mentioned issue while discussing the finer points of jealousy or communication. A footnote; By the way, your time is limited, but don't worry! If it's meant to be, magic fairies will coordinate your schedules for you.
Is this the Big Poly Secret? There isn't much talk about the strain produced by the finite nature of the time and energy resources in a polyamorous relationship. Yet, the fact that love itself is not a finite resource is blazoned on every pro-poly pin, badge, banner, website, or cock-ring you encounter. The infinity sign wrapping around a heart is literally the symbol of polyamory. Love is not limited, but too much of the stuff is not much better than a stack of paperwork piling up in your inbox at the office. When are you going to find the time to sort through all this crap?
My lack of addressing this issue, or properly gaining the education required to handle such things could be my own problem. It's only recently, of course, that I have needed to worry about splitting my Kreplits with someone who I felt strongly enough about to actually give them a significant portion of my assigned Kreplits. Enter Kasher, my new boyfriend. The new ‘someone' who I have fallen for, and now have to figure out where he fits on the Kreplit distribution list. Let's see..
- Ethan – The lovely husband – Loads of Kreplits!
- Children – Two of them! – Never enough Kreplits!
- Job #1 – Full-Time – More Kreplits than I want to give!
- Job #2 – Part-Time – Taking up all my fun free-time Kreplits!
- Job #3 – 10 hours a month – Meh, Kreppy Kreplits.
- Friends/Social Life – Hey, I know I left those somewhere..
Fuck! I am out of Kreplits. I am saddened that even with my own affluence in all things sex and polyamory, I still find myself taking the crash-course in Time and Energy management when it comes to this new relationship. Why, exactly, did we wait for Kidder Kaper to introduce the word Kreplit in 2010? (We have all sorts of other made up words; even polyamory is a made up word. Metamour – Your lover's lover. Frubble/Compersion: Deriving happiness from your lover's happiness NRE- New Relationship Energy: That slightly affected overly fond feeling and energy that surrounds new flames. Spice: The plural for spouse.) Thank goodness someone is putting an easily identifiable word behind the overly-complex issue of time and energy unit distribution in relationships.
So. No room for Kasher the New Boyfriend, right? Wrong! After a long talk with my husband, Ethan, compromises have been made. Maybe I don't need three jobs. And you know what? Maybe Ethan, Kasher and I could spend a few evenings all together. And who says that Kasher can't spend some family time with us? Ethan and Kasher even go out on their own occasionally. There are ways to make it happen, I just wish that I had been more prepared to start these negotiations.
Has the poly community downplayed the issue? Maybe. Or maybe naive poly philosophers like me tend to glance over this stuff. Do you know what the real eye opening part of this is? Sometimes, I am selfish. Sometimes, I go out with Kasher just the two of us. And that is how I know he's right for me… My Kreplits are valuable and scarce, and I have no qualms saying that he is definitely worth the Kreplits.