The first thing bad thing has been to confuse the high from oxytocin from NSA sex with something real and to get fooled. It really sucks to have someone tell you that they love you and paint a great picture of the future to the point that you make career decisions, consider moving closer, and even introduce the kids. And then for them to turn around and dump you by text because…. Because, why? Because of their jealousy issues and control issues. Because of discrepancies in fighting styles and miscommunications. But, ultimately because we’re not the people they had idealized and put on a pedestal and never were.
It also really sucks that people you thought were at least somewhat sensible turn out to be complete gossips with half the story. Or more likely a sugar coated version of a quarter of the story. My favorite quote about swinging is that “it is the biggest pit of vipers since high school.” Thus, I’ve found another life lesson that turns out to be applicable to swinging: to quote Maya Angelou, “When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”
Several people who I immediately didn’t trust have proven to be completely untrustworthy. Mrs. Bear showed me she was untrustworthy the first time we played when she intentionally broke one of our two rules. That should’ve been enough to make us move along but I was a young and naïve newbie then.
It also sucks to find out that someone who you implicitly trusted would tell you what he thought you wanted to hear rather than trust that it was ok to tell you the truth. Or trust in you enough to know that it was ok for them to let you know they changed their mind. It also sucks for them to get really upset and hurt and then having to deal with the fallout after you believed their explicit “Yes” the first time. So it sucks to find that Cooper’s recent advice on http://www.lifeontheswingset.com/19303/communication-taking-yes-for-an-answer/ may not be valid.
Plus a whole lot of things specifically related to swinging that suck, at least, for me.
I don’t like that some people, including staff, at certain clubs don’t respect that a closed door means “Keep The Fuck Out”.
I don’t like being held down.
I don’t like being insulted during sex.
I don’t like being ordered around during sex.
I don’t like hands around my neck and the threat of being choked.
I don’t like my hair pulled.
I don’t like it when people don’t listen and fucking stop doing something when I tell them I don’t like something.
I don’t like being repeatedly asked to do certain sexual things when I said No.
I don’t like that for some assholes “No means No” really equals “No is just the starting point for negotiations”.
So at a minimum I will certainly chalk up recent experiences as more life lessons to be more cautious. At this point I am also planning a break on any new playmates for a while. I realize there are a lot of great people out there. I have met some of them. There are also a lot of assholes and a few outright predators. In any event, for the time being it seems like more fun to spend time with known awesome people than to work hard to separate new potentials from those who are “drama”.