Dating a CamGirl

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Dating a CamGirlTwo years ago, well before I even had the idea of being a camgirl, I was sitting in the audience of one of my burlesque shows listening to a couple dudebros in front of me talking loudly over the music. “I'm going to take home one of these girls tonight,” dudebro on the right says.

His friend, a photographer of one of the dancers, then turned to him and said, “Actually, I think they all have boyfriends or husbands.”

The guy was visibly taken aback. “What kind of guy would date a stripper?” he asked.

I was so interested in this perspective. What kind of guy wouldn't date a stripper?! I thought. WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE? It had never occurred to me that the life of a stripper's (or eventually camgirl's) partner might be in any way tougher. A job is a job, right? But I've come to realize it must be difficult. The fact that my partners and I are poly must make it at least a little easier, but like most things, I doubt poly makes it easier by much.

As single as most of my patrons would like to believe I am, I am in fact farther from single than most people. The illusion of a camgirl relies heavily on the notion that we’re all sex-starved nymphos with nothing (or no one) better to do than entertain strangers on the internet. Most cam-watchers know that the majority of camgirls are either married or happily not-single, but they like to ignore this for the sake of the fantasy. A lot of camgirls play along, but I do not. I love my poly lifestyle and love talking about it. I state openly on my profile that I have 2 boyfriends, both of whom are okay with one another, as well as with me camming. Or they are now anyway. That wasn't always the case though.

Dating a camgirl isn't what one might expect. It isn't a perfectly made-up pretty face and 6-inch stripper heels 24/7. In fact, due to those things being so closely linked to “work,” they become more rare during non-work hours. I marvel at women that wear make up every day, honestly. When I break out the eyeliner and red lipstick, it's usually not for my boyfriends, it's for my fans. When I do burlesque shows – which require an ungodly amount of make-up and glitter – I will usually refrain from touching make-up again for a week if I can help it, just to give my face a breather.

Dating us usually means late nights (that don't involve you) and coming to terms with the fact that guys are seeing us naked and captivating our attention (that are not you).

These are no easy feats to get over, mind you. My boyfriend L.B. can attest to the pain of getting over insecurities and jealousies in every stage I went through to becoming a camgirl. I started modeling 5 years ago, and he was uncomfortable with photographers seeing me somewhat or fully naked. When I started doing burlesque, he was uncomfortable with other guys (and girls) who took an interest in my stage persona. When I started camming, he was envious of the time and energy I put into the happiness of total strangers. I've read that some camgirl's partners even liken camming to cheating. If attention-cheating is a thing, it can really start to feel like it.

I have a feeling this is totally normal in the lives of other camera girls and their partners.  Not to mention the money issue. Real-talk now: camgirls can make a lot of money. Like a lot. Like what you're thinking now, then add money to that. And some fellas are still stuck in the 1950-breadwinner-mindset that dictates a man should make more than a woman. In this era of unemployment though, having a job anywhere is important, and I think more and more guys are coming to appreciate the fact that they don't need to be depended on financially; that their part-time job making $9 an hour isn't all that's being relied on to feed the household.

In essence, camming is a job, but it's also a lifestyle. It can change things. At the end of the day though, the ladies that can do this are taking advantage of an incredibly rewarding opportunity. If successful, they're very lucky and that kind of dedication should be respected.

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Bettie Moore is a midwestern native that dabbles in the poly, swinging, and geek lifestyles. She's been non-monogamous for 6 years and working at a sex-postive toy store for 3. Her nights (the ones not occupied by dates) are spent online as a "camgirl" or at a bar doing burlesque. Her days (the ones not occupied by work) are spent knitting or making cosplay costumes. She can be found on twitter as BettieMoorebb and camming at profiles.myfreecams.com/bettiemoore.

1 Comment

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    Richard D Miller on

    Love your letter I have tried to date cam girls and strippers but no luck. I am not jealous so I would be good for you.

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