Building Community Through Girls’ Nights Out


Building Community Through Girls' Nights OutGirls' Nights Out are a relaxed, low-key way for women in the swing lifestyle to get to know each other and have fun. I've run two girls' nights for my local group and I'm excited to share my experiences with you in this article. My group currently meets once a month for a Meet and Greet at a vanilla club. The group is comprised of couples and single over age 30. If you are interested in learning more about how I organize the meet and greets you can read this article, How to Run a Fantastic Swinger Meet and Greet

My goal in creating girls' nights is for everyone to have fun and to build community within my group. I have been hosting them every 3 months. The events are open to anyone in the group who identifies as female. I encourage single and married women, bi and straight, new and experienced to join. The nights are not designed as play parties so it is a low-pressure setting for everyone.

Sexy Photo Shoot Party

This was the first girls' party I hosted. It is more complicated to put together, but it went very well.

I hosted this party before Valentine's Day so that the girls could use the photos as gifts for their significant others as well as photos for their swinger profiles. The idea was to have chatting and mingling while individuals were having their photos taken.

One of the members of our meet and greet group is a professional photographer and his girlfriend is a make-up artist. There are many professional and serious amateur photographers in the lifestyle. We have a few in our group. I would recommend using someone who is comfortable doing boudoir photography and who is at least aware of the swing community. This particular photographer had a portfolio with everything from graduation and family photos to soft core pornography.

I met him first with a friend and had him photograph us before setting up the group party. I think as the organizer it's important to audition the person you are going to be using. He was easy to work with, not creepy and took great photos. We talked about what he was comfortable photographing. He was fine with nudity or completely clothed and comfortable photographing action shots of girls together. One thing that my friend and I both were impressed by was that he gave us lots of direction with body positioning and found poses that made us look our best. You will have many girls who have never done photo shoots and you want them to have the best possible experience.

We agreed to have the party at a local hotel suite. The suite was a small conference room connected to a bedroom. There were two bathrooms for changing. The photographer's girlfriend provided make-up application as part of the price. We scheduled 20 fifteen minute photo sessions (this turned out to be about 50 photos per person).

He was able to set up individual, pass-word protected online galleries for each girls' photos. Small j- pegs for online profile use were provided as part of the price. Individuals could order prints online and they were delivered by mail to their home.

We charged $25 per person for the evening to cover costs. The hotel was $150, the photographer was $100 and the make-up artist, $200. (That was the couple's choice on how to divide payment). The remaining $50 I used for refreshments and decorations. I had everyone pre-pay on paypal and their payment was non-refundable. If they had to cancel someone else in the group could take their spot.

This is the list of what each person received for their $25:
1. Fabulous girl-time party and photo shoot room at an upscale hotel
2. Light refreshments
3. Make-up application by a professional makeup artist
4. 15 minute photo shoot with a professional photographer
5. Private, password protected online gallery
6. Free downloads of small jpgs for website or email use
7. Special pricing for ordered prints

We had girls of all ages, body types and experience attend. I provided light appetizers, desserts and non-alcoholic drinks. I asked everyone to arrive at the same time and we drew for the order of the photo sessions. I used the drawing as an icebreaker game. I wrote numbers 1 – 20 on game cards from the Sex is Fun game, Dick and Virginia. This is a card game with scenarios where you have to give advice to the fictional couple Dick and Virginia. Each person got a card and the number was your spot for the photo shoot. I asked everyone to share their card scenario and get other girls' advice. Whoever gave the best advice got to keep the card. At the end of the evening the 2 girls with the most cards won prizes. This worked well to get people talking about swing related topics and promote mingling.

The photo shoots were done individually in the bedroom area while we hung out and did the make-up application in the conference room area.

The evening went really well. It was a relaxed time to make friends and everyone ended up with sexy photos as well. A few things that were important in the planning and execution were: having this as an all girls event and everything was pre-paid. No husbands were allowed to drop in or watch and I made sure all our costs were covered.

The photographer was thrilled with the photo orders he received and the follow up appointments at his studio. We plan to hold a similar event again in the fall.

Let's Get Buzzed – Wine and Sex Toy Party

Our group's next girls' night out was much simpler to plan and run. This was the advertisement for the party:

Spring is here; let's talk about the Birds and the Bees, Wine and Sex Toys!

Please bring a bottle of wine or your favorite mixed drink to share, an appetizer or dessert, a wine glass and your favorite sex toy(s). There is no charge, but you must be on the rsvp list.

There will be no sales at this event. If you represent a sex toy company you are welcome to show a couple of your favorite items and hand out business cards.

We'll chat and hang out and maybe share a few secrets. This is a great way to get to know other women in the lifestyle in a comfortable, no pressure environment. This is a girls only event!

This party was held at a friend's house. Since everyone brought wine, a glass and a snack we only had to provide paper plates and napkins. We had about 20 girls attend.

We started the party with general mingling and wine tasting for the first hour or so. I made sure that everyone met everyone else as they arrived. Once we had a couple drinks and snacks we moved to the living room and sat in a large circle. I asked each person to give their name, their significant other's name (if they had one), their online profile name and tell us one thing they were thankful for or give a little toast. Then we went around the circle and did a sex toy show and tell. I started and told a funny story and showed my toy. I think it's important as the leader of the group to be a good example in participating and getting things going.

Each person showed their favorite toy, told us what they liked about it, passed it around and answered any questions the group had. A few people didn't bring their toys, so I had them describe their favorite toy or accessory. I wanted everyone to be equal participants and not make the people who brought toys feel uncomfortable. Next time they will probably bring something, because personally, I think it would be easier to show a toy than have to just describe one. We had a variety of toys and I think we all learned something new and got to know each other better from the little stories people told. There was a lot of laughter and playful banter.

After the circle we chatted and mingled for a bit longer until our husbands came to pick us up. One of the men in the group organized the guys to meet up at a local strip club while we had the girls' night. Most of the girls joined our guys there and continued the party as couples. This worked out well since we were drinking wine at girls night. It gave us safe transportation and the guys something to do while we met.

Our group loves girls' nights out! Some of our ideas for the future include having a group pole or lap dance class, or dinner and shopping at an adult store. I've gotten positive feedback from new and experienced swingers. They tell me they've made new friends and become closer with women they already knew. We all enjoyed the events I shared above and plan to repeat them in the next few months.

I hope these ideas are helpful to you in planning your own Girls' Night Out. I'd love to hear your impressions and experiences with girls' nights in the comment section below. You can also check out to learn about their Girls Uncorked parties.


Lisa and her husband have been married for 16 years and non-monogamous for 4. They live in a swing state and are active in their local community organizing events. Lisa's passions include reading, writing, crochet, aquariums and building an amazing local and online swing community.

1 Comment

  1. This is a great idea! Even for ladies who are a bit modest and not in the lifestyle to get together and talk about sex and toys and fun! It would be a good way to start removing taboos about talking about sex, love, poly, swinging, open, etc.

Leave A Reply