Swingers?! Yeah Baby! How to Talk to Your Partner About Swinging

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Swingers?! Yeah Baby! How to Talk to Your Partner About SwingingMy husband and I had been married for 11 years and together since high school. We'd been through the typical ups and downs of life and had settled into a happy routine. We liked to spend time in the evening talking and relaxing naked in our hot tub after the kids were in bed.

One evening my husband said, “Hey, I was looking for porn online when I came across a swinging website. Have you ever heard of swinging?”

I replied, “Swinging? Like Austin Powers? That's not real. Real people don't do that.”

He told me about the online swinger ad site and it did seem to be real. We started talking about what it would be like to have sex with other people. He was my only partner ever, so I was quite curious about how other people were in bed. We decided to look into it further and keep talking about it.

I found The Swinger's Board website and researched for hours. I read about other peoples experiences and their advice. I shared the information with my husband. Over the next couple weeks we talked and talked, about rules, feelings, curiosities, everything we could think of.

We decided together to jump in with both feet and look for a full swap experience. We made an online profile, went to a party, met a nice couple and swapped. It wasn't an ideal situation the first time, but we've kept talking, researching and having fun.

We've learned so much about ourselves and each other. It's been an amazing, sexy, fun time. Now, a few years later, we can say, “Swingers?! Yeah baby!”

Here are a couple tips that might be helpful if you are thinking about bringing up swinging with your partner:

  1. Be comfortable talking with your partner. Build a base for communication by spending time together regularly in a comfortable place just talking. We spent many nights talking about the future, the past, jobs, kids, etc. in our hot tub. Your special place could be watching birds on your deck, playing ping pong, soaking in the bath tub or cuddling in front of the fireplace (no tv or lap-tops!).Practice talking about anything and being open about yourself. Obviously, my husband was comfortable talking about online porn with me. He knew I wasn't going to freak out about porn or talking about sex. If your partner is not comfortable talking about your sex life together, start there. Talk about what you liked in bed last night, what you liked in the romantic movie you saw last week, what movie stars your partner finds attractive.It's fun to talk about swinging fantasies in bed in the heat of the moment, but if you want it to be more than fantasy you do need to be able to talk about it outside a sexual environment.
  2. Bring up the topic as a conversation. Rather than, “I'd like to try swinging,” say, “Have you heard about swinging? What do you think?” This is less threatening. You're not asking your partner to consider doing it, you're just asking their opinion.

You can use popular media to bring up the topic. There was recently a Lisa Ling Our America TV show about swinging and there are frequently magazine articles about swinging and swing clubs. You can also bring up the topic as a dream that got you thinking.

3. Work as a team to learn more. Be sure your partner understands this is an adventure you want to consider together. It's exciting to be “partners in crime”. Spend time reading and learning about swinging. Share all your concerns and listen to each other.

I hope that our story and the tips above help you to have a sexy, interesting conversation with your sweetie. Who knows what you'll learn?!

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About Author

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Lisa and her husband have been married for 16 years and non-monogamous for 4. They live in a swing state and are active in their local community organizing events. Lisa's passions include reading, writing, crochet, aquariums and building an amazing local and online swing community.

6 Comments

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    Hello Lisa. Thanks for sharing your experience. I am 53 and my wife is 49. We have been together 30 years and like you, neither of us has had other partners. Recently I have developed a deep longing about being intimate with another woman as it is something I feel I need to experience in my life. While I gave raised the thought of tryingnew things with my wife , she does not seem too keen. Even the idea of a vibrator seems too drastic. We do enjoy sex most days but 69 is as adventurous as it gets. My only hope is that she does enjoy being looked at and flirted with by strangers especially if they are younger than her. She obviously feels the need to be validated as a sexual being as i do. In any case, even if we do agree to proceed ( unlikey I think ) I am concerned that I will find watching her having sex with
    another man too confronting even though I think she deserves to experience another man. Oh dear. What to do. Sounds like you are having a great time. Regards

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    Hello team fun,

    Great article. We are a couple in the lifestyle as well. One of our favorite things to do is meet new couples who have never done anything before and watch them transition. We have so much fun, my husband and I and it is just amazing how open and honest we can be with each other. There are a lot of misconceptions out there about what the lifestyle is all about, for new couples who want to learn more, we definitely recommend you check out this event catered to new lifestyle couples.

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    We are a rare cpl. We were both swingers when we met at a local swing club. We indulged in several swaps that night, and played with many other cpls and bi ladies, even a short period of MFM IR play, since, and have been together from that first night to this day. So this question is one we have never had to settle. But we are very interested in how others handled this. It IS the biggest hurdle to swinging.

  4. Pingback: Swingers?! Yeah Baby! How to Talk to Your Partner About Swinging | Euforia Talking Sex

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    Hi.im 26. Ibe been with my wife for almost 4 years.im very blunt and honest bit this is a touch subject as to I dont want her to assume im not attracted to her. I feel like sex should be fun and weird but making love is making love…im into some weird stuff that I have or would like to try that she’s not willing to do.i dont know how to aproach the subject with her because (like I said) dont want her to feel in attractive. (Shes sexy as hell lol) im not a cheater. Ive had multiple oppurtunities but cant because she is all i can think about. How do I tell her that basically I want to do weird things shes not comfortable with so lets try swinging? When she gets drunk shes into women but (kinda weird) its either my brothers wife or my best friends wife…which im okay with but like yall know not everyone (or anyone I know) is as open and free minded as I am. Help if you can PLEASE!!

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