Swinging Advice – Too Much Female Ejaculation?


swinging, polyamory, & non-monogamy adviceWe here at The Swingset are always happy to help with any questions or concerns you have, please don’t hesitate to ask!

Today’s question came through the grapevine via Kendra Holliday and The Beautiful Kind

Q. Now I have a question. I recently met a woman and we have really hit it off on a lot of levels. We’ve been out on “dates” three times in three weeks and has been great. Well over New Years weekend we spent almost 3 days together and finally slept together. Been a long time for her and for me. It was great except for one thing….she is a squirter. Now let me tell you I have no problem with this normally. It’s not a particular kink of mine but not against it. The volume of fluid was incredible and I had to pull out several times just to let her catch her breath. VERY sensitive and orgasmic. Now this may be some guy’s dream and I have to admit it’s a turn on to see a woman who excited, however it can be almost too slippery and I started to lose sensation. She is awesome and we are very compatible both sexually and as a couple. Kendra, I am a very sexual guy who is open to almost anything but I can see this becoming a distraction. A little goes a long way but a lot can get in the way. What are your thoughts?

– Chuck V. Anonymous

A. So, as many of our readers/listeners know, I have rather vast experience with exactly what you’re describing. My wife Marilyn is a gusher and multi-orgasmic. She can gush many times over the course of an evening soaking everything in sight. Initially we didn’t quite realize what was happening, and all I noticed was she was getting exceedingly wet and I was losing sensation. We’d stop, dry her off, then start again. She began to get self-conscious about it.

Then we learned a little more about gushing, and given how rare female orgasms are in general, a gushing orgasm is like the crown jewel. Usually this is indicative of gspot orgasms. My recommendation here is to shift your thinking, see this as the amazing and rare thing that it is. Something that most women are capable of but few actually reach. With your encouragement and enthusiasm, and seeing this as an awesome thing rather than something you would rather she not do will change the dynamic. Think of how you would feel if she said “You know, you just make too much cum, can you make less? It’s irritating/distracting in my mouth.”

Once she’s confident in her skill, kegel exercises can help her control it dramatically. Awareness of how her body feels before she squirts to will help. Marilyn can now hold it in for as long as she wants to then create a super squirting finale that would make the Bellagio Hotel fountain jealous.

It’s a feature, not a bug. =)

And stock up on a Liberator Fascinator Throe or two to protect your bed/couch/floor/kitchen table.


About Author

Cooper S. Beckett is a relationship coach specializing in non-monogamy, author of  My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory & A Life Less Monogamous, and the co-founder of Life on the Swingset & host of its swinging & polyamory podcast. He speaks and teaches classes on pegging, swinging, polyamory, play parties, and non-monogamy. He is a graphic & web designer, photographer, and voice over artist, has been a guest expert on Dan Savage’s Savage Lovecast, & is the announcer of Tristan Taormino's radio show Sex Out Loud. He is currently working on his next novel: Approaching The Swingularity.