Browsing: Best

There have been a couple of people recently who have said the phrase, “I don’t want to be second”. One was to me and one was to my partner. This state of mind always disturbs me because my partner and I don’t see relationships structured that way in this lifestyle. We don’t believe in or like the labels “Primary” or “Secondary” partners. There are always priorities and responsibilities to each relationship, but if a relationship goes down such a path, my love for my partners can and will be equal. To us it’s only fair to each other and to the people involved.

A colleague mentioned that she was watching a movie that included a scene with couples tossing their keys into a bowl, and at that moment her teenage daughter walked into the room. Confused by the scene, the daughter asked why the couples were tossing keys in a bowl, and my colleague explained the concept of a key party. The daughter responded that that behavior was “reckless” and my colleague wholeheartedly agreed.

On the week of our 20th anniversary my wife, Kat, and I officially became swingers. We met a couple we first spoke to online for dinner, and went back to their place for a foursome that went late into the night. On the drive home, we sat in stunned silence interrupted by laugher; as what we did that night felt unreal. We were liberated by the sexual freedom and adventure we shared; yet what we did went against everything society had taught us about what marriage is. When I asked Kat how she felt about what we had done, she looked me in the eye and said that she felt no shame and had no regrets.

I’ve met a few poly couples and read about many more who have a Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (DADT) policy in their relationship. They both date other people, but have a rule that they should share as little as possible about their outside relationships with each other. I can’t decide if this is a brilliant idea or a really terrible idea for a relationship.