I know that when I text, “Good Morning!” to one of my lovers that it is coming from my heart. I thought about him at the start of my day and was inspired to let him know through a text. Then I happened to do the same with two more gentlemen friends and a lady friend. All the while, I was still feeling like it was a kind, thoughtful gesture. In fact, each one gave me a unique warm or tingly feeling!
Why is it then, that when I get an unsolicited, “Good Morning Sexy!” text from a lover, I sometimes wonder if he went down his virtual “black book” mindlessly texting all his babes thus having me feel very un-special? The yucky self-talk continues to convince me that it doesn’t mean anything because he has a routine he does every morning with all his partners. I even have visions of all the replies cluttering up his phone and my, “Good morning cutie!” getting buried among them.
Does this thinking mean that I’m not cut out to be poly? Maybe I should have stayed just a swinger and kept all connections casual. Surely that would be easier. Is it possible for me to feel like I’m special among many? Is that up to me to create or do I need him to do or say certain things to have me feel that way? I know that with my husband, I do need to feel extra special; that is why we are each other’s “primary.” However, if I need to feel like I’m unique among my guys’ paramours, like I stand out, and all the others (except his wife) are just for meaningless fun, then I’m setting myself up for heartache and I should just go back to Swingland now.
Then I remember two things that give me a fresh slap-across-the-face perspective. The first is that I’m not cut out to be just a swinger because I really like having a connection with the people I fuck. Actually, I really like cultivating deep connections! I tried it the other way and it wasn’t as fun or fulfilling. So sex without connection is not how I’m going to roll. My heart will remain in the game.
The second thing I remember is that I AM very unique, special and stand out because I’m me! There is no one like Lisa BlueEyes. I’m witty, smart, thoughtful, insightful, playful and damn sexy. If I remember that, then I never have to question if I’m seen in a “special” light with any of my lovers, regardless of how many partners they have. Furthermore, I don’t need them to “make me” feel special; I can give that to myself!
So I’m going to thoroughly enjoy every single, “Good morning beautiful!” text I get each day and know for certain that it is a special message just for me. And before I reply, I will pause to reflect, and write the perfect juicy response that is sure to provide maximum titillation. I will also enjoy the abundance of sexy messages I get throughout my day and the abundance of current and potential lovers that take the time to let me know they are thinking about me because I know for sure I AM special among many!
