Flirting is perhaps the most important aspect of beginning any romantic and sexual relationship. As Swingers you really need to be on top of your flirting. Since we meet so many people in non-monogamy, how do we know when to start flirting, and how do we make it work for us? We're including this as an unofficial companion to our “Swinging for Dummies” series since it just feels right, so take a listen and hear about how to get new interactions going, with the flirt, and with our friend Reid Mihalko!
Also… for what the defintion of “is” is…
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1 Comment
I have just realized that my most successful episode of flirting (so far) was one where I had not been trying to flirt. Lemme ‘splain.
I usually do think of flirting as (what you found yourselves calling) “destination flirting.” In short, “Hey, you’re hot. Do you think I’m hot, too? ‘Cause I’d like to do … stuff … with you.” My track record with that kind of flirting has been … dismal. (Cooper, I hear ya buddy, I hear ya!)
On this occasion, I was at an event hosted by a local sex-positive group. The theme was Valentine’s Day; the event was named, “Queen Of Hearts Ball,” though it didn’t center around dancing. (Yes, Cooper, you were in town for this and I met you here.) Though I’m married, I was there solo: my wife knew about the event, wasn’t interested, and had said, “Go and have a great time.”
It was a diverse crowd, and I didn’t necessarily recognize everybody’s categories. A couple was there who were probably swingers, but at that time I didn’t know how to handle that as a functionally-single (and also responsible) male. Kinda backed out, bewildered. (I understand this better, now. Ah well.)
There was another couple there: two young women. One of them was topless, and looked sweet enough to eat. However, she was younger than half my age. Also, it was clear to me that they were there together. So I had two reasons not to engage her in “destination flirting.” Shucks, even if she did not think I was a “creepy old man,” I had no reason to believe that she would even tolerate an expression of interest from a male. Yet she seemed to make the volume around her glow. So here’s what I did:
I came over to them — to them, not to her only — and said something like this: “I can see that you’re together, and I respect that completely. I don’t expect that I’ll get anything out of this. But I just had to say,” turning to the topless young woman,” Wow! You look gorgeous! That’s all.”
And I gave them (both) a warm smile, and moved on to “circulate.”
When I circulated near them again, later, I got a warm welcoming smile, and we started some conversation. Rinse and repeat for the rest of the evening.
A couple of months later, when the sex positive group’s next event was coming up, I heard that someone was wondering if “that white haired guy with the big smile” was going to be at the event. Wasn’t sure who was doing the wondering, or who the “guy” might be. But when I got to the event — which was a clothing optional event btw (a social event, not a play party) — I found that the person doing the wondering had been that young woman, and that she had been wondering about me!
I guess it worked — at the very least, in terms of sparking a connection. We exchanged phone numbers, and I began seeing her — solo, and with her wife — socially, with great pleasure. As time went on, it emerged that the barriers to “play” did not involve our age difference — which was both hugely flattering and hugely reassuring — but other things, which are both private and reasonable.
It has now been — what? — 3 years, and we’re still in touch, even after she and her wife have moved out of the area.
And I hadn’t even realized that I was flirting!
That is all!
(You may read this on the air, if you wish, but I know you’ll probably want to shorten it. When I read it to myself, it took almost exactly 3 minutes. 😉 )
Best wishes,
RunSilent RunDeep