Twelve whole months. That’s longer than any relationship I’ve ever been in, and considering the potential difficulties of three people coming together (smirk) it has also been a very smooth ride; a wonderful year. Laughter, kink, conversation, affection, more laughter… in fact this column is in danger of having no conflict whatsoever.
But truly, it is remarkable when I cast my mind a year back: I think I had recently broken up with someone; was still calling myself monogamous (or single-and-looking, I suppose); and our little threesome just seemed to blossom by itself. That’s not to say there haven’t been tricky moments, but just as the mark of a good actor is not perfection but the ability to smooth over mistakes, we seem to take our difficulties in our stride and always come out of it better off.
It’s only very recently that words like “girlfriend” and “love” and – our favourite – “significant third” have become part of our vocabulary, and it has happened very naturally. No rushing, no fuss, just new words that make us smile, and ways to give others some inkling of how we work.
It occurs to me that, of course, a big part of the reason it has been so easy, so natural, is that I wasn’t really looking to join a couple. I don’t have expectations or even ideas of how this is supposed to look and work. By being put together in this particular configuration – a straight man, a bi woman, and a straight girl – we’ve had to just figure it out for ourselves. There are no over-arching, social models for this relationship. Don’t get me wrong – I’m absolutely certain we’re not the first ones, but we don’t exactly have a guidebook for this. And I for one am very grateful for that!
At the same time, looking back I also realise that it hasn’t been the easiest of years: there has been cancer and death in my family; for much of the year I was out of work and struggling to find some way of making money; I had the same stresses and sadnesses everyone has to deal with; and, of course, I’ve been stumbling across the many pitfalls of non-monogamy! But having someplace to escape to, where not one but two people I adore make me laugh and take care of me a little, has been immensely helpful.
I know this article is just gushing really, but I suppose what I’m saying is that this Thanksgiving, what I am thankful for, is Molly and Michael. I’m thankful for lying in bed with them laughing until my sides hurt; for having company as we all three tapped away at our computers; for dinners and lunches; for discovering new kinks and nourishing old ones; for having two people with whom I can be open and honest; for a place where I’m accepted.
So here’s to three-hundred and sixty-five days of happiness, and many more to come.
