An excellent entrée into a sexual health conversation with lovers is to know your sexual health status and share that in a conversation before any hot and heavy playing gets rolling. Your sharing begins an exchange of open and honest communication and is a smooth segue into discussion of which safer sex practices you wish to integrate into your play time.
The best way to know your sexual health status is to have a doctor you can share with a trust who is not judgmental of your sexual practices whatever they may be. Establishing a regular pattern of full-panel (meaning testing for all STIs) sexually transmitted infection (STI) testing. In the non-monogamous world, I have heard friends talk about testing once a year, every six months or regularly and randomly depending on their sexual activity.
If you don’t feel comfortable discussing testing and status with your doctor, you may wish to seek out a doctor with whom you do feel comfortable discussing your total health. In the meantime, the best resource anywhere in the United States is your local Planned Parenthood. They take insurance and also provide a sliding pay scale depending on your income. Don’t let cost deter you from knowing your status. Maintaining your health is too important.
Planned Parenthood is also an excellent resource for educating yourself about all the best ways to practice safer sex. From sticking to less risky, but still hot, sexy tricks (like making out and mutual masturbation) to consistently using barriers like condoms, minimizing risks maximizes sexiness…because staying healthy is sexy.
If you have a fluid-bonded primary partner (meaning a partner with whom you engage in unprotected practices), remember to continue to talk about what expectations you have for one another’s safer sex practices. Decide together what safer sex practices are required for each of you to feel healthy and sexy and be 100% consistent.
Even as the sexually adventurous and experienced hotties that we are, we still have the vulnerability to compromise our sexual health when subtly or not-so-subtly encouraged to do so. Stay strong. Respect yourself. Respect your partner. Only share your delicious sexual skills and incredible hotness with those who respect themselves enough to know their status. You deserve only the hottest sexual experiences and being able to surrender fully into the experience stems from feeling empowered and healthy. Enjoy!
4 Comments
Thanks for all the great work you do. I've really enjoyed the podscasts and hope you keep going. One question I have to ask, what to do about HPV? Everything I read says something like 80% of people will end up having it (TBK, SIF, the others). This is our biggest holdup.
We would (wife and I) are very interested in joining the lifestyle but do not know the best way to approach the issue. We have both been tested and it is the only thing we have. Is it possible for us to still enjoy the lifestyle and if so, how do we approach this in our search?
You're most welcome! We love sharing information from The Swingset!
Regarding your question about HPV, I turn again to my most trusted source: Planned Parenthood.
On their website, they state something I wish to highlight.
"While HPV is endemic among sexually active women and men in the U.S., it is reassuring to know that these infections most often remain asymptomatic and symptoms, if they occur, are usually manageable. Equally reassuring is the fact that condom use is likely to reduce the risk of infection. To reduce the risk of developing the most dangerous conditions associated with HPVs, women and men who are sexually active should have annual physical checkups including evaluation of any symptoms of sexually transmitted infections. Sexually active women should be sure to have routine Pap tests as well."
Really it is a matter of you and your partner deciding what is acceptable risk for you in getting exposed to HPV. If the two of you are mutually monogamous, your risk is essentially zero. The result is no lifestyle fun. That may be where you land with your decision and no one would judge you for that.
I have some random mental gymnastics I engage in when I am trying to wrap my mind around risk. I always consider: if I were single would I abstain from all sexual activity until I became partnered with someone and waited for them to get tested. The answer I arrive at is "no." So why would I do that if my partner and I are non-monogamously inclined?
What I would do is build trust with my potential lover and just ask them their status. Once we shared that I would feel comfortable playing. I wouldn't ask to see paperwork. Maybe others would. This is not a "risk-free" way to proceed, but it works for me. It brings the risk to an acceptable level for me.
Further, I consider the fact that when Prof is involved as well as the other partners, I feel that we are also taking into consideration the health of OUR partners. Meaning I certainly want to maintain my sexual health for the sake of Prof and vice versa. I feel that that consideration and caring for one's partner creates some extra accountability and desire to stay healthy for the sake of partners. Extra consideration that may not be present in the coupling of two new unattached partners getting together for the first time.
I hope that helps…it is literally just my take and opinion. Nothing more or less. And it remains an issue that Prof and I regularly discuss and check in with each other about.
All the best to you! Stay sexy!
Ginger,
Wow… what a quick response and great information! It's very reasssuring to see the amount of thought and care you put into this. I can also tell the same amount of care/energy is also put in by the rest of the crew… it's why your show is great!
As for your advice, I really appreciated this thought:
"I always consider: if I were single would I remain abstain from all sexual activity until I became partnered with someone and waited from them to get tested. The answer I arrive at is "no." So why would I do that if my partner and I are non-monogamously inclined? "
It is a perfect way to assess our situation and get our minds around the situation. We were both very sexually active (multiple partners) before meeting each other and your right… it didn't hold up our sex lives at all. We both still took precautions, etc. and of course are doubly-concerned now about maintaining our health for ourselves and each other.
You answered my question (as I had written it) perfectly, but I should have been more clear. What I am asking is this:
My wife and I are very interested in pursuing non-monogamy but our physical hold-up is that we have both shown signs of HPV. Due to the delay in symptoms, neither of us showed any symptoms until well after we had been monogamous. I'm sure either one of us could have picked it up or both had it prior to becoming monogamous, had different strains, etc. We both have read tons about the STI and are checked regularly, her Paps show its under control/asymptomatic and the physical symptoms on me are hardly noticeable. Of course we will continue to be vigilant in our maintenance and monitoring.
Knowing we positively have HPV, how do we pursue a non-monogamous lifestyle? I know we would both be honest when approaching another couple/person face to face, but wonder… should we post this on websites in our profile (everyone seems to put DDF – drug/disease free)? Should we go to lifestyle clubs? How do we bring up this subject when out for a night on the town or setting up a date? In your experience, have you ever met someone at a club that told you they had an STI and told you about it? Have you and Prof ever come across this situation before? Have you had friends get HPV in the lifestyle? If so, how was this handled? Can one still have a "swinging" life with a common STI such as HPV?
Sorry for so many questions, its just that we would really like to get thoughts from experienced and honest people such as yourself. Thank you for your time and effort. Both of us have listened to all your podcasts (and others) and found them informative and exciting. Together, we have talked through many of the situations, scenarios, and thought processes you bring to the podcasts. It has been informative and thought provoking to say the least and I believe we are both mentally and emotionally ready to go, but would like to know how we tackle this physical issue.
All the best and keep going! You're show is great!
OLV–
Sorry to be so long in responding, especially to your thoughtful response and questions!
I'll do my best to give you my perspective without getting too deep into the health questions. I will say, one thing about HPV is I understand it can eventually clear the body on its own. Continuing to get STI testing to know your status over time is a wise decision for you both.
Of course, the best option is to discuss your status with your doctor, but in the meantime here is some helpful information to consider: http://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/hpv-genita….
Now for the swinging perspective! I APPLAUD you both for your honesty and for being so vigilant about your health! Continuing as you are already choosing to act is excellent. Answering your specific questions, Prof and I haven't come across play friends who have shared a positive status for any STI. Nor have I heard from friends who have experienced that scenario. I do think that it happens. And, yet again, I applaud swingers who are so forthright and still willing to be a part of the lifestyle responsibility and honoring everyone's health.
As for you and your wife's swinging, I see no reason you shouldn't head out to the clubs! One way to maintain a hot vibe while avoiding in-depth health discussions at the club is to play together in a group space while not engaging with anyone else. I'll share that that is actually one of my FAVORITE ways to play! I feel completely free of considering safer sex practices, Prof knows how to push my buttons AND I get to watch all the delicious sexy action (maybe even perform a little or a lot)!
If you do wish to engage intimately with other hotties, the best way to do that will be on individual dates where you can engage in those more in-depth conversations. I can't recommend one way or another about disclosing on a profile. However, as I try it on for size, I actually might lean toward doing so. Disclosing on the profile will filter out any potential dates that may not be interested in playing once you disclose. It is important to note that there are hundreds of different iterations of HPV, so the health conversation with potential play friends will likely get quite detailed. Be prepared to fully discuss and fact-find before engaging. And be sure that everyone who will be playing feel comfortable with the safer sex measures you all decide to take.
I wish you all the best in your swinging! Keep up the responsible, healthy, honest and sexy fun!