My husband Jack and I have been discussing swinging for years now, but for one reason or another, nothing has ever come of it besides talk. It's probably fair to say that the lack of action was mostly because of me–I wanted to lose some weight before I could feel comfortable being naked with anyone but Jack, birth control pills were screwing with my libido, and so on.
Then, a few weeks ago, something happened with some friends of ours, and the possibility of swinging with them was raised. We discussed it, and wound up having sex, each with our own partners, but all in the same room, with a bit of limited touching inter-couple touching.
Later, debriefing with each other, Jack and I came to the same conclusion: we were interested in pursuing this kind of thing, but not with this couple. Discussion about our respective relationships had given my husband and I some concern that these friends of ours were not in a place in their relationship where swinging would be a good choice for them. In addition, their friendship means a lot to us, and we don't want to do anything that might jeopardize our relationship with them.
So Jack, as he does when he gets excited about something, went on an information-gathering bender. Websites, podcasts, everything he could get his hands on. I thought it was silly. “It's not exactly a difficult concept,” I said. “What is it that you think you're going to learn from all this?” I was also a bit irritated, because suddenly it felt like he was moving very fast with all of this, and I was still content to let that experience with our friends mentally simmer for a while.
I got him to leave the subject alone (more or less) for about a week. During that time, he was still busily listening to podcasts and such, but he was giving me some space to process. He was also, of course, getting more and more antsy for further discussion. So we talked. And I agreed to listen to some podcasts, since he felt it was important. I began poking around Life on the Swingset, and listening to the podcasts so kindly provided by Cooper and friends. It's been interesting and educational.
So here we are. We're not swingers yet, but we're finally taking our first steps down that path. And we want to invite you to come along with us on this journey we're beginning.
6 Comments
I'm an information-gatherer myself; whenever I encounter something new and interesting that I want to learn more about, I tend to jump right in and immerse myself in it. It's how I get comfortable with new ideas and learn about them. My girlfriend, on the other hand, takes more time and is more careful to warm up to new things (mostly due to past family and relationship problems). (I call her my girlfriend, but she's much more than that—we've been together more than 10 years, but "domestic partner" just doesn't sound right.) The conflict for us comes when I rush too far ahead and she feels like I'm pulling her along against her will. It's a very fine line to walk!
My girlfriend and I are not swingers, and although we have talked and fantasized about it we both agree that we must first go through some personal growth as individuals and as a couple before we can even discuss the possibility of wanting to try non-monogamy. We have several tricky obstacles that we may or may not overcome on this path, but regardless of our final choices our relationship will be better off. We (well… I, mostly) have been looking for resources to help us answer questions about our own relationship, and finding a blog written by a couple just beginning their journey should prove to be both enlightening and interesting.
We will be looking forward to your experiences, feelings, and thoughts on swinging and non-monogamy in general. Thank you in advance for taking the time to share them!
Part of the reason I wanted us to do this blog is because I, like you, was looking for something similar and I couldn't find it. So, thanks for taking an interest! I hope our journey and experiences will help you find some of your answers!
Hey Brian, thanks for reading! I hope sharing our experiences will give you and your girlfriend a better handle on how all of this goes down, and what to expect if you decide to explore this path yourselves. 🙂
Look at the newbies! Already the most popular kids on the block!
We never really believed in doppelgangers before but reading your article was VERY creepy for us. Mr Cardz, who also goes by the name Jack, is the fact finder of our couple. Mrs Cardz is the more laid back. We discussed the lifestyle and threesomes for years before we decided to give them a try. Mr Cardz found podcasts about the lifestyle and brought them to Mrs Cardz to listen to.
We two had a Monogomous Group Sex experience with close friends and as you did we talked about the idea of swapping with them. However unlike you guys we actually did play with said friends and suffice to say it didn't end well. We had a Great Experience but the other couple's relationship was not strong enough and they eventually divorced.
Thank you for the stroll down memory lane. If we ever meet and Jack looks like Mr Cardz evil (or good) twin, we may run in the other direction….or better yet Mrs Cardz can live out her twin fantasy 😉
Best of Luck to you both
The Wildcardz
Very cool! Welcome to this world! Your life is about to get 150% more interesting! You picked the right place, I love how Life on the Swingset was created as a safe space for new folks to learn and share.