Desire Hacked My Life

It's Desire Week at Life on the Swingset, with 150 days and less than 25 rooms remaining for our 2016 Desire Takeover (November 5-12) we're running Desire episodes of the podcast as well as blogs and articles. If you'd like to join us in Desire this November, head over to SSDesire.com! It's booking fast!

“How was your trip, did you have fun?” This used to be an easy question to answer.  Now when I answer with a simple, “Yes,” it feels like I’m lying. This is not because I didn’t “have fun” but because it has got to be the biggest understatement of the century!

After swinging for 2 years (and married for 20) we decided to put a huge stake in the ground, write a big line in the sand, and whatever other metaphor means doing something freakin’ crazy to push yourself, and book a trip to Desire Resort & Spa with the Life on the Swingset crew. Going with them felt safe. As safe as a newbie can feel getting naked for a week!  

Our trip to Desire hacked my life. I am nowhere near the same person I was when I left. I feel the transformation on multiple levels; first on the level of self and my relationship with my body. Then I feel it in my relationship with my spouse and our communication and trust. Finally, it shows up in my relationship to sex and capacity for intimate connections.  

As a 44-year-old woman who has had a massive journey with body image, food and weight since her teens, this trip was a graduation. I’m not saying I am done with my transformation in this area, but I officially no longer identify with the girl who is ashamed of her body. I am a woman who loves and appreciates her luscious curves and the power her body exudes. Somehow, being naked is an equalizer. My body is one variety among a full spectrum of presentations. And the people that I choose to be close to, to let touch my body, want to do so because of the juicy combination of my energy, personality, capacity for connection and my curves. I know now there may be men (and women) who don’t find me attractive but it’s likely they are not a match for me anyway.  And it’s more likely my body has very little to do with that.  

I know this for sure for two reasons. The first is because body type or size did not impact my decisions on who I wanted to get to know better. I played with short men, thin men, athletic men, bald men and big men!  And a variety of women too! The more we talked the sexier (or not) they got. The light in their eye, how they related to me and my hubby, their capacity for connection and chemistry were the deciding factors.  

The second reason I know my ”not Barbie” body type does not impact my attractiveness is that within 1 day of arriving at Desire my husband (who’s not “Ken”) and I had multiple couples expressing interest in being with us. We had choices! And it wasn’t just the men being attracted to me. It was the women wanting my man too! We caught the attention of those we most feared rejection from: the “popular” people, the slim people and the confident people. Even a super sexy, everyone-probably-wants-to-be-with-her woman traveling alone sought out our company! This trip to Desire was the final nail in the coffin that houses my warped self-image. The “fat girl” is dead and buried!

Boy, I wish I knew all this when I was younger. How much self-loathing I could have avoided. But then again, I don’t know that I would have believed it. And I'm grateful for the spiritual journey inspired by my severely inaccurate perceptions. Amen to my graduation!

As if the transformation with myself and my body wasn’t enough, this experience deepened my marriage. The last 2 years of swinging upped our communication game for sure, but this trip felt like we packed 5 years of swinging trials into 1 week! The diversity of things to navigate ranged from having to decide who to play with and where/how to play, to watching each of us gets triggered and feeling insecure, left out or rejected. The bottom line is we always came back to each other. Got reconnected, rejuvenated and ready to engage with others.  

Now, in our post-Desire glow, we no longer fear rules being broken or feelings being hurt. We both now know that no matter what our lifestyle adventure throws our way, we will navigate it and come out on top and together. Another huge gift!

I knew it would be a transformational experience, but I really had no idea just how extensive the change would be.  

Before I had a secret and was afraid to tell anyone about my lifestyle. Now I intend to tell my family and feel a bubbling up to tell many, many more people.

Before I thought my body was “just ok” and now I know my body is sexy as hell and appeals to many, many people.

Before I could never imagine walking out of a hotel room fully naked and now I can’t wait to do it again and again!

Before I thought I would be the shy one in a situation full of sexy naked people, but now I know how to be my natural outgoing confident self…without clothes.  

Before I thought my hubby and I had navigated the lifestyle fairly well but that a trip like this could create huge obstacles.  Now I know that we can smoothly navigate a hot tub full of sexy naked people we could fuck, night after night, have loads of flirty sexy fun, and giggle about it the next day like kids on Christmas morning.  

We left Desire having made deep, authentic, sexy connections with awesome people. Some we already plan to see before next November. And all that we will daydream about regularly.

Thank you Swingset crew for flying your flags and attracting an amazing group of people to the most sexy place on the planet.  Desire has hacked my life and I will be forever grateful!

P.S. Swingset Takeover Desire 2016 is already booked!