Archive for category: Blogs

I’ve met a few poly couples and read about many more who have a Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (DADT) policy in their relationship. They both date other people, but have a rule that they should share as little as possible about their outside relationships with each other. I can’t decide if this is a brilliant idea or a really terrible idea for a relationship.

It occurred to me today – well, many times, but I only dwelled enough on the subject to write about it today – that the wedding ring, which once was the universal sign for “don’t even try to flirt with me” has lost that aspect of its meaning in my life. How many people do we know who are happily married and also romantically available? I am on that list.

Photo courtesy of Lady Grinning Soul Welcome to e[lust], the sex blog round-up- The best posts from the hottest and smartest sex bloggers all in one place! This edition highlights topics such as libido, fake orgasms, teenage lust, voyeurism, BDSM consent and so much more. Want to be included in e[lust] #33? Start with the rules, come back in February to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates! ~ The Top Three Posts ~ Assent Matters by SherynB – Find your emotional power to recognize and say “no” to what you don’t want BEFORE you get naked [...]

Finding people in your area to mingle with as a bondage related individual may seem next to impossible. Like swingers, poly couples, and other sexual “deviants”, (I mean that in a good way!) BDSM’ers do not openly advertise in the every day vanilla world. So, in an effort to meet new people in the community, I often suggest that new comers join different bondage related sites.

Dating is complicated when you already have multiple partners. People have this vision of poly people as having a free-wheeling lifestyle where they date anybody they choose and pick up new partners at the drop of a hat. I’m sure some poly people do that, but it seems to be rare. My experience is that dating people in stable poly relationships is more like dating someone in a traditional Greek or Italian family — all the extended family has to meet you and gets a say in whether the relationship is a good idea.

I tend to fall in love fast. Not necessarily hard, but definitely fast. I knew this about myself, but had honestly forgotten until Anne and I got into the lifestyle. After all, we had been happily dating/married for nine or so years before getting into the lifestyle, I was not actively seeking another life partner. I still wouldn’t say I am. Anne initially said she was interested in exploring polyamory if she found someone she had feelings for. I have stated before that polyamory freaks me out and, honestly, it still does.

I ended my last blog with a question: What are some reasons that couples take a break from swinging? Over dinner with the Wonderfuls, we learned their answer – they were not stepping toward monogamy again. Instead, they had stepped in the opposite direction toward polyamory.

It is inevitable. We are all different, unique, and individual creatures with our own hopes, goals, dreams, desires, and ambitions. It is not inconceivable that the situation and relationships that work great for us now, soon begin to lose their luster, and the shine fades. The relationship may simply become too complicated. When your relationships are plural, this is ever more real a possibility.

I have long stated that I was bi-curious, but had been reluctant to act on it for a few reasons. The main one being that Anne was not sure how comfortable she was with it. She has long known I have felt this way, but until we got into the Lifestyle there was really no reason for her to actually think about seeing me do it. Anne never said I couldn’t, but requested time to process the idea. I was in no hurry. So she got her time.

The prompt for this post was a misunderstanding between myself and a local member of the sex-positive community. He posted a status update on a social networking site stating that he was “seek[ing] bisexual, poly switch. Must be decisive, consistent and not fear commitment.” I re-posted his statement on my Twitter account, thinking to myself, “Wow. That actually sounds a whole lot like what I’m looking for.” I was surprised to see words that I found so very apt coming out of someone else’s mouth – or, I suppose, fingers. I was pleased and impressed.