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I am fascinated by stories about polygamy, both fiction and non-fiction. I’ve watched every episode of the HBO television series “Big Love.” I’ve read the Brady Udall novel “The Lonely Polygamist.” I’ve read Irene Spencer’s harrowing account of her life as a polygamist’s wife in the 50′s, 60′s, and 70′s, “Shattered Dreams: My Life as a Polygamist’s Wife.” I have several other fiction and non-fiction pieces to read or watch in my queue that I haven’t gotten to yet.

Looking back on the last 10 months, I wonder if I can remember a time when my sex life was different. I mean, of course I can. Of course I can remember being mercilessly teased for being overweight and being rejected by more guys than I’ve had desserts in my life. I had no sex life.

On the week of our 20th anniversary my wife, Kat, and I officially became swingers. We met a couple we first spoke to online for dinner, and went back to their place for a foursome that went late into the night. On the drive home, we sat in stunned silence interrupted by laugher; as what we did that night felt unreal. We were liberated by the sexual freedom and adventure we shared; yet what we did went against everything society had taught us about what marriage is. When I asked Kat how she felt about what we had done, she looked me in the eye and said that she felt no shame and had no regrets.

I’ve never been one to take the idea of New Year’s resolutions all that seriously. But if the idea of a starting point for mass individual self-improvement works for you, may I humbly suggest a few ideas that would benefit our community.

What follows isn’t a swinger bucket list or a swingo card, these are challenges that if completed would not only benefit you but also build and strengthen our community.

I’ve met a few poly couples and read about many more who have a Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (DADT) policy in their relationship. They both date other people, but have a rule that they should share as little as possible about their outside relationships with each other. I can’t decide if this is a brilliant idea or a really terrible idea for a relationship.

Finding people in your area to mingle with as a bondage related individual may seem next to impossible. Like swingers, poly couples, and other sexual “deviants”, (I mean that in a good way!) BDSM’ers do not openly advertise in the every day vanilla world. So, in an effort to meet new people in the community, I often suggest that new comers join different bondage related sites.

Now I have a question. I recently met a woman and we have really hit it off on alot of levels. We’ve been out on “dates” three times in three weeks and has been great. Well over New Years weekend we spent almost 3 days together and finally slept together. Been a long time for her and for me. It was great except for one thing….she is a squirter. Now let me tell you I have no problem with this normally. It’s not a particular kink of mine but not against it. The volume of fluid was incredible and I had to pull out several times just to let her catch her breath. VERY sensitive and orgasmic. Now this may be some guy’s dream and I have to admit it’s a turn on to see a woman that excited, however it can be almost too slippery and I started to lose sensation. She is awesome and we are very compatible both sexually and as a couple. Kendra, I am a very sexual guy who is open to almost anything but I can see this becoming a distraction. A little goes a long way but alot can get in the way. What are your thoughts?

We need a patriarch. That would solve a lot of problems.

The polygamists have the right idea in some ways. Let’s select one person who will serve as the guide for how the relationship will be arranged and everyone will try to align to that goal. Sure, there’s less individual freedom. But in sacrificing that, I bet you gain some harmony. When you have four people all with their own vision for where the relationships should go, it can be chaotic. A benevolent patriarch could serve as a leader with a vision for this unruly vehicle. He (because at least in traditional polygamy, it’s always a he) could be the arbiter of disputes, the person who makes the final decision when we just can’t come to consensus.

Just over a month ago we found ourselves discussing the possibility of a meet-half-way weekend with some friends in Canada. Our Canadian friends are newbies, and I found myself giving them some pretty decent advice to look at the possibility of sex activity on our weekend. The Safe Zone. In The Safe Zone, they can try things they’re nervous about trying without repercussions afterwards.

At the beginning of October 2010, the Center of Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University released the results of their National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (NSSHB). This survey is the most comprehensive study of sexual behavior in the United States since 1994 and Alfred Kinsey’s research of the 1940’s and 1950’s before that. The results shed light on the sexual behavior of Americans through the life span, from [...]