Gangbangs and Getting Past Personal Boundaries

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Gangbangs and Getting Past Personal BoundariesI’ve been fantasizing almost exclusively about gang-bangs for the last 11 months. It all started with something my husband, PC, and I witnessed last summer at the old location of Montreal swinger club Le Celeste.

Leaning rigidly against the latticed wall of the “Jungle Room,” my face partially obscured by a plastic vine hanging from the ceiling, I watched a group of about 10 fit, clean-shaven men swarm a buxom bleached blond. From where I was standing I had a clear sideways view of her. While deep throating one cock after another, she spread open her strong, tanned body doggie-style as guys took turns grabbing her ass, straddling her, moving aside the thin crotch of her white G-string, and pumping her pussy in short, quick strokes.

Something about the raw energy of this unstaged scene shocked me, compelling my repressive social conditioning to take hold of my mind with full force. I began to perceive the woman as a series of holes to be filled and the men fucking her as callous jerks. Acutely aware of being the only other woman in the room, I started to dread the feral intensity in the men’s eyes when they looked at me. I felt naked and ashamed for taking part in the spectacle – even as a passive observer.

PC noticed my mounting anxiety and escorted me to a private room where we could talk. It was not long before I arrived at a sobering realization: I had encountered my first emotional limit in our sexual adventures.

Until that point, my sexual exploration seemed boundless as I leaped from one fulfilling experience to another. Faced with a situation that forced me to deal with my own hardwired hang-ups, I had to make a choice: Either recoil in fear and refuse to learn from the experience, or work through my negative emotional response in a constructive, sex-positive way. I chose the latter.

To understand the source of my aversion, I started fantasizing about my own gang-bang scenario. I imagined myself surrounded by men who paid attention to my response and whose only aim was to get me off. It was as if my lover’s touch had been multiplied tenfold. When I compared this imagined scenario with the one I observed at the club, I figured out a couple of things.

On the one hand, what I feared most was losing control – being unable to say no and to walk away if things got too intense. On the other hand, the strength of my visceral response to the original scene revealed my fascination with gang-bangs. I think that may have been what troubled me the most; on some deep-rooted, subliminal level, I wanted to be the woman getting fucked by a group of random men.

Inspired by this increased sense of self-awareness, I re-examined the gang-bang at the club with a dispassionate eye. Judging from the brief glimpses I caught of the woman’s face and of the men who were fucking her, all participants were over the age of reason (i.e, 30). Moreover, despite the nervous energy apparent in the men’s body language, their interactions with the woman and with each other made it obvious that they were all consenting adults, mindful of each others presence.

Then I recalled something curious. The one slightly older guy, seemingly in his early forties, was fully dressed and did not participate. He did, however, stare avidly at the woman, following her every move. Later, when I saw them leave the club together hand in hand, I realized that he was her lover. In recalling this detail, the subtle dynamics of the scene suddenly became clear to me. This was their shared fantasy.

What did I learn from taking a critical look at my own emotional limits? My initial view of what turned out to be a sex-positive situation was completely off base. I had judged it according to my own prejudices. Perception is reality, PC always tell me. What I claim to see (filtered as it is by my experiences and biases) says more about me than about what I’m observing. In other words, I need to keep an open mind if I am serious about my personal growth through sexual experimentation.

Second, it’s easy to overcome my sexual hang-ups when I understand their source.

Third, I am now able to open up to my lover about my gang-bang fantasy. The good news: he’s into it too. Only time will tell if we ever go there….

About

Consummate sensualist Emmanuelle Undine reports on the non-monogamous lifestyle scene north of the border in her Swingset series The French Connection. Part autobiography, part critical-reflective sex journalism, her blog Emmanuelle Undine: A Siren Laid Bare reflects on the sexual adventures she shares with PC, her husband.
  • Anonymous

    Some people think all they have 2 do is throw around a few cheap pop-culture words & the words elevate erroneous thoughts & ideas 2 being correct. They don’t. Lets translate: the person who wrote this article twists ‘intelligent judgement & discernment’ into “prejudices.” She twists ‘a backwards regression (to an uncivilized, uneducated, worse-than-an-animal state)’ into “growth,” etc., etc. We all have CORRECT, natural instincts of self-preservation & protection- but especially women do. There r perfectly good, valid REASONS for that. Also, the writer of the article says “when I saw them leave the club together hand in hand, I realized that he was her lover.” Woman, WAKE UP: ‘Love’ has nothing at all to do w/it. U debase & trash even the concept of something as profound & fine as Actual Love when u naively use it in this context. Who is the guy u’r with? Yeah, I’ll BET he ‘talked’ w/u when u left the room- & convinced u your correct instincts were wrong. I feel sorry 4 any daughter of women like this. Instead of being taught the truth that most men are trash looking for anything that moves- even on 4 legs- & that most men have no integrity or ethics- & the truth that women have always been the necessary basis for CIVILIZATION because theyre much more likely to have Standards & insist on not taking men’s crap- instead of being taught these eternal truths, their daughters will b taught 2 let men turn them into grotesque pigs worth less than trash.

    Promiscuous people r more likely to have neglected &/or abused children out of wedlock & from broken homes (this is not an opinion: it is verifiable fact). Think of that when u hear of the next baby or toddler beat 2 death by the mother’s so-called ‘boyfriend’ or the child’s ‘stepfather.’ Almost NO man will love a child that is not his: they r much more likely 2 HATE the child. Don’t give me anecdotal rebuttals, either. What I just said is verifiable reality- not my opinion. U r partly responsible because of the trashy attitudes u foster in society regarding the thing that can create an innocent, helpless human Life. What can create a human life should be & needs 2 b elevated in society 2 something having Meaning – something having 2 do w/ Love- not trash. And dont act like birth control is a panacea- its not. But, then, what can u say about the grotesque a&&holes that these men r who live w/ a reptilian ‘brain’ focused on their anus & other people’s anuses? They r a&&holes in every sense of the word. After all, their a&& is where they live. And the relatively small percentage of men (maybe 15%?) who are actually wise, mature, decent, civilized, fine men would actually agree with me about the 85% or so of the reptilian anus-brained men – & they teach their sons not to grow up like that – & they keep their daughters away from those creeps.

    • Dylan Thomas

      “Promiscuous people r more likely to have neglected &/or abused children out of wedlock & from broken homes (this is not an opinion: it is verifiable fact).”" Don’t give me anecdotal rebuttals, either. What I just said is verifiable reality- not my opinion.”

      Oh really?
      I challenge you to find scientifically and rigorously vetted and tested evidence that there’s a correlation or causation between promiscuity and abuse, or between promiscuity and an upbringing without two parents, or promiscuity and an upbringing with two parents that are unmarried. 

      Note, these are three separate circumstances. It’s entirely possible that the combination of all three may also have a correlation or causation between this specific set of circumstances.

      I will tell you this, I’m from a solid, two parent opposite sex married household brought up in Catholicism, and I am much, much happier now without your ideas about a woman’s capacity for independent thought and decision making.

      Your attitude, attempting to convince our wonderful author here, that she’s not capable of thinking for herself because she must be being manipulated and convinced into doing something she otherwise wouldn’t normally want to do are offensive, outdated, and wrong. 

      You may not feel women are capable of making intelligent informed decisions, however to use your words… You would be wrong. It is verifiable reality, not my opinion.

    • http://www.lustandconfused.com Anna from Lust and Confused

      Well that is just delightfully judgey judgey. It is also difficult to read. It is an old thing, I know, but CORRECT spelling and sentence structure exists for perfectly good valid REASONS. It is much easier to get your point across if your readers don’t need to decipher every sentence.
      My dyslexia issues aside, where exactly do you get off? I am a woman. I’m not a swinger but I suppose I would fall into your category of promiscuous people. I must admit that I would not put myself there, having slept with a grand total of 4 people in my lifetime, but given that you have used words like wedlock, innocent & correct in the ways that you have, I’m going to assume that polyamory would fall outside of normality for you. I’d like for you to know that I have not been abused. My parents are in a long and stable marriage. I was never beaten, neglected, or otherwise ill-used. I’ve been in a stable and loving relationship with my partner Arthur for over a decade. Yes, that is right, love. Do you understand how thoroughly disempowering this kind of talk is? It is a real kick in the teeth. In your post, you are not even addressing the author directly. She. That woman. Stop it, it isn’t nice and it isn’t fair. You can disagree all you like, but you need to let women own these choices otherwise you are just on a man-hating rant and that is a pretty weak argument however you spin it. -Anna

      I am a woman. I’m not a swinger but I suppose I would fall into your category of promiscuous people. I must admit that I would not put myself there, having slept with a grand total of 4 people in my lifetime, but given that you have used words like wedlock, innocent & correct in the ways that you have, I’m going to assume that polyamory would fall outside of normality for you. I’d like for you to know that I have not been abused. My parents are in a long and stable marriage. I was never beaten, neglected, or otherwise ill-used. I’ve been in a stable and loving relationship with my partner Arthur for over a decade. Yes, that is right, love.

      Do you understand how thoroughly disempowering this kind of talk is? It is a real kick in the teeth. In your post, you are not even addressing the author directly. She. That woman. Stop it, it isn’t nice and it isn’t fair. You can disagree all you like, but you need to let women own these choices otherwise you are just on a man-hating rant and that is a pretty weak argument however you spin it. 
      -Anna

    • http://sfcuties.info/ SFCuties

      It would be too easy to make fun of the spelling mistakes, the lack of grammatical structure, of even the general lack of sense the article makes.

      Let’s try this, on a level that you might be able to understand better:
      > NO man will love a child that is not his: they r much more likely 2 HATE the child

      Go ahead.  Tell me again the love I feel for our kids is not real.  I dare you.

  • Emmanuelle Undine

    Thanks for taking the time to read my article so closely and for writing such a lengthy and passionate invective. Clearly it hit a nerve — perhaps on some primal, subconscious level it turned you on? :)

    I encourage you to read the New York Times bestselling scholarly book “Sex at Dawn.” It will shed some light on the Victorian-based social construction of the “Angel in the House” paradigm that has imprisoned women’s sexuality for close to two centuries in the western world (did you know that at the turn of the last century medical doctors used to masturbate female patients suffering from hysteria? That’s how dildos and vibrators were invented). This seminal book will also outline the true nature of our human sexuality as one that fosters cooperation, sharing, and multiple partnerships.

    Cheers!

    E.

  • Emmanuelle Undine

    Thanks for taking the time to read my article so closely and for writing such a lengthy and passionate invective. Clearly it hit a nerve — perhaps on some primal, subconscious level it turned you on? :)

    I encourage you to read the New York Times bestselling scholarly book “Sex at Dawn.” It will shed some light on the Victorian-based social construction of the “Angel in the House” paradigm that has imprisoned women’s sexuality for close to two centuries in the western world (did you know that at the turn of the last century medical doctors used to masturbate female patients suffering from hysteria? That’s how dildos and vibrators were invented). This seminal book will also outline the true nature of our human sexuality as one that fosters cooperation, sharing, and multiple partnerships.

    Cheers!

    E.

  • Emmanuelle Undine

    Thanks for taking the time to read my article so closely and for writing such a lengthy and passionate invective. Clearly it hit a nerve — perhaps on some primal, subconscious level it turned you on? :)

    I encourage you to read the New York Times bestselling scholarly book “Sex at Dawn.” It will shed some light on the Victorian-based social construction of the “Angel in the House” paradigm that has imprisoned women’s sexuality for close to two centuries in the western world (did you know that at the turn of the last century medical doctors used to masturbate female patients suffering from hysteria? That’s how dildos and vibrators were invented). This seminal book will also outline the true nature of our human sexuality as one that fosters cooperation, sharing, and multiple partnerships.

    Cheers!

    E.

  • http://twitter.com/LifestyleCpl LifestyleCpl

    thank you for sharing your insights ,,, we slowly worked our way up to gangbangs, and while threesomes still account for most of our sexual trysts, gangbangs are a now a regular part of our swinging experiences