Short Sheeting is not so funny….

by

I think we all can agree that at times we tend to get a little selfish about the attention we get while we play, but where does the line get drawn between selfish and self centered?

Beginning in the lifestyle a short two years ago,  I was literally tossed into the deep end of the pool.  Not knowing which end was up, rules and conversations, parties, e-mails, pictures and hands on events, and everything all seemed to happen all at once.  While my head was spinning, I was ok with everything that was being tossed at me.  I am pretty cool at navigating my way around new things and enjoying the experiences.  I have really enjoyed the lifestyle too; until at some point something changed in the way play was happening and I didn’t realize it at first.

Jack had been in and out of the lifestyle with other relationships.  His exes made the choices for themselves that it was not for them.  When he approached me with the idea, I thought long and hard about it.  Coming from a pretty traditional family upbringing this was something that was sooooo never talked about around the dinner table nor even thought of.  So I knew I was really in over my head.  We talked about this for a good long time and then when I figured out that I was curious enough to dip my toes into the water, ok leap into the deep end of the pool with no swimmies on, and see if it was for me or not.  OH MY YES IT WAS!  The choice was all mine, there was never any coaxing or pushing from him at all.  He was all about making sure it was what I wanted.  So the choice was made and I really enjoyed it. Yet something interesting started happening and I really didn’t pay much mind because I was so new to the lifestyle and was having fun.

Talking and getting to know other female lifestylers I was able to start figuring out what swinging was all about.  Not being married, just in a relationship that swings was complicated to navigate all on it’s own…now toss in an open sexual forum.  Talk about an eye opener!  The women I met educated me well, gave me some great insights, and let me draw my own conclusions on what the lifestyle is all about for me.  How I wanted to participate, share myself and give to and bring to the play situations.  Figuring out that this is not about jealousy or control, not about competition or lust, rather about pleasure and sensations and enjoyment and pleasuring others.

So Jack and I started going on play dates, and there were some disappointments on my end, but I wrote that off to just being new.  What was happening?  Well, simply put, play would start and the ladies would get things going and then the men would be introduced into the mix.  Things would be fine for a while until all of a sudden the man that I was trying to pleasure and enjoy seemed no longer interested, could no longer perform.  The traditional apologies would occur and I would write it off to just not being experienced enough in this world.  Until it happened again, and again and again…  At this point I got frustrated and began to take things personally.  Jack and I talked about it many times and I got the same thing from him:  because he he had a larger girthy penis than most, when the man of the other couple we were with saw what he was bringing to the table, it was intimidating.  That this was something he got all the time and not to worry about it.

I started thinking to myself that this is a situational thing and nothing more, eventually we will meet a couple where this will not be a problem.  But I was really starting to feel short sheeted in bed.  No one likes getting into a bed that is short sheeted.  While funny at first, after a few times it is not so funny anymore. So Jack and I kept trying and playing but I saw a very distinct pattern forming.  A pattern that I was not happy with.  I asked myself “how do I approach this and be taken seriously in letting Jack know I am really not happy with this situation?”  While all this was going on, we kept talking about what was happening, and started making jokes about the situation, picking out things that I may be doing and just poking fun at it.  Again all in good fun and lightening a situation that was fast becoming extremely personal to me.

I mean seriously,  I am cute and sexy and have sweet personality, so why was it that when the chips were down, I was always left with a male that could not seem to perform?  The females I never had a problem with, yet when that shift started happening something would fall apart.   I didn’t understand it.  What was I doing that was ruining the experience for the other person?  I  beat myself up wondering for months why I am always in a bed that is short sheeted.  Until one night it happened and I finally got upset.

Once again, in the play scene Jack and Mr. X were watching me and Mrs. X enjoy each other and pleasure one another and really have a great time.  Jack and Mr. X joined in and the minute Mr. X attempted to initiate things with me it happened.  I see it happen right before my eyes, the bed being short sheeted.  Jack purposely set up the situation to over intimidate Mr. X so he could not have “Jack’s woman;” hence forth short sheeting the bed in his favor.  I was so upset and could not believe my own eyes.  This had not about size or pleasure or anything else for that matter.  I watched him short sheet the bed and it wasn’t funny anymore.  The jokes about things I may have done to turn Mr. X off were over.  It had nothing to do with me rather than it had everything to do his discomfort in the situation or Jack wanting to be the complete center of attention and focus.  Passing the boundaries from selfish to completely self centered.

Once I knew Mr. X was ok, I excused myself out of the room.  Something that Jack and I NEVER do is play or leave the room while we are playing.  We always play together and never leave until everyone had been satisfied.  I got up and walked out once I knew things were ok with our guest.  When Jack realized I was gone things ended rather abruptly.  He was upset that walked out breaking our rule, I was angry that he could do something like this not only to me but our guests as well and all I could think to myself was “Why?” and “How could you do this?”  When the evening ended and all four of us talked and made sure that everything was ok, which it was however, there was a short sheeting that needed to be addressed…

I asked Jack if he thought this was funny and why he would do something like this to me.  This was supposed to be about pleasure not control and that for almost two years he let me think it was something I was doing.  I was hurt through and through.  When he realized how deep this cut me the confession finally came out that he wanted to be the center of attention and the he needed to know that while I was getting some form of play with the female half, which of course he was more than comfortable with, that sometimes it bothered him seeing another man enjoying me, hearing me be pleasured too.  I asked the question, so short sheeting the bed was the option?  Wasn’t this supposed to be about couples pleasure and not some selfish arena for sex and play for just one person?  When he agreed that his actions were wrong and unfair to not only me but to the whole party; he said that he was no longer going to do this, no longer going to short sheet the bed on me and I believed him.

When we have played since then, because he did this for sooo long, I wonder and watch what is going on so closely rather than enjoying myself.  I still feeling short sheeted because now I am not able to fully enjoy play with out having to be ultra attentive to what is going on around me.  Personally I like to let go and enjoy to craziness of the moments and play yet how I can do that now knowing that I could be in a bed that is short sheeted.  Not to mention the couple we are with being short sheeted as well.  Simply not cool!  I know that there are times where I still enjoy myself but feel it could have been so much more for not only me but my couple as well.

The moral to this story….Like Peter and the Wolf….The more you short sheet the bed on your partner/s the more you short sheet the bed on yourself!

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  • Vinny

    This is probably the worst lifestyle experience I have ever heard of. Very very sad story. My sympathies go out not only to Payton, but to all of the other people Jack has abused in the lifestyle. Too bad there is no way to ban him from it as his actions go against everything the lifestyle is supposed to be about. I also would not be at all surprised if he conducts his non-swinging relationships in much the same way. Payton, don’t walk away from this jerk. RUN!!!!

    • Payton

      Sad part is that you would hope that these kind of people would not exist in the lifestyle. As I found out…they do, and I agree and wish there were a way to ban people like this from the lifestyle and I do not find any kind of behavior like this acceptable. It makes for an extremely uncomfortable position to be in during and after the moment. Very delicate balance on how to handle it so you don’t bruise or even destroy the relationships that were created with those couples. Because to be honest….after all the rain falls and what I am experiencing…. almost all the people/couples I made friends with in and out of the lifestyle have said that they would much rather spend time with me as a single. So how you treat people is extremely important in every aspect of life. Momma always raised me to treat people as I wanted to be treated. The proof is in the pudding here…

  • http://lifeontheswingset.com Tyler

    Payton,

    I hope you’re no longer swinging with Jack. As you say, its unfair to all involved when he is deliberately making people feel bad to make himself feel better. He’s really not ready to swing. Even though he’s stopped, It doesn’t sound like you’re enjoying it anymore, and thats reason enough to quit.

    Swinging aside, I get the impression there’s deeper issues here. I do not like poking into the workings of other people’s relationships, (I rarely like commenting on posts at all.) However, if you’re posting something like this, I’m assuming you know something is off with Jack, and that any comment here will only be reaffirming what you already know.

    Jack has made you feel like you were doing something wrong to make himself feel secure. He’d rather tear you down, then work on building himself up. The question is does he do this in other areas outside of the Lifestyle….

    • Payton

      Tyler –

      Thank you for your insights here. Given extremely good points and I respect and appreciate them. I will say this, after that event, play was scarce to non existant because for me a major trust was broken. Trust is a huge part to being in the lifestyle and to any relationship. Again while I do not find this behavior accpetable by any means there was a line crossed. This posting is intended as a warning and an example of things that should not happen but do, not to mention how far it reaches and affects people. This went way beyond me and affected people that I cared about very much. For that reason I choose to handle things the way I did and protect those that I care about, preserving friendships and protecting the balance of what the lifestyle is and means to the people that understand what it is and not to mention myself.

      • http://lifeontheswingset.com Tyler

        I think you handled the event itself very well. It is hard to manage a situation like that when your feeling so hurt. The fact that everyone came out with their dignity in tact says a lot about your self control.

        There is no doubt Jack violated your trust, but in doing so, he damaged your relationship. Ending your participation in the lifestyle is a consequence of that.

        Without trust, there is no relationship, and without the relationship, swinging just becomes cheating… even if you’re in the same room.

        Anyone thinking about jumping in these waters certainly should be warned that a lot can go wrong. Having their insecurities identified and in control before they start goes along way to avoiding that.

        Payton, thank you for being so open and honest with you experiences. It does go a long way.

        • Payton

          You make an extremely profound point and would love to see your thoughts more on your statement… “Without trust, there is no relationship, and without the relationship, swinging just becomes cheating… even if you’re in the same room”…..that is awesome! Would love to see you bog about it!

          • http://lifeontheswingset.com Tyler

            Thank you.

            feel free to contact me anytime, I would love to talk more about it.

            I’m sure I’ll write something up… one day. ;-)

  • http://lifeontheswingset.com Cooper

    I TOO would enjoy reading an article with that thesis statement…

  • Randy

    My wife understands very well about being short sheeted, a couple years ago we had a couple that would cum over about twice a week we would hang out and talk and end with hookup before the left. They were new to the lifestyle and all seemed good between us four. But he just could not seem to perform. Her and my wife would go at it then we would join. I am nothing special in size so no intimidation there for him. I would give it my all and he just would go down on my wife for 2 hours because he just couldn't perform. My wife started to get frustrated and say ok what’s up is it her.

    It ended up being that he could not handle what I was doing to his wife, if it was him and them two say when I was out of room he was good, but when his wife and I were at it he just could not perform. It ended after a couple months and He will not even be friends with us. It always seems to be the female who gets shorted. I work with my wife to get us out of those situations. If she is not having fun, we are not having fun that simple…LOL

  • Chibi

    “Jack and Mr. X joined in and the minute Mr. X attempted to initiate
    things with me it happened.  I see it happen right before my eyes, the
    bed being short sheeted.  Jack purposely set up the situation to over
    intimidate Mr. X so he could not have “Jack’s woman;” hence forth short
    sheeting the bed in his favor.  I was so upset and could not believe my
    own eyes.”

    I’ve read this several times over to try to understand what he was doing and I am still not getting it. Perhaps due to my lack of experience, or perhaps you were vague on purpose… but what exactly did Jack do? What method did he employ to ‘over intimidate’ Mr. X. Was it obviously intentional? Was there something he did or said subtly in every play session that reliably made the other man uncomfortable every time. Also, what does short sheeted mean exactly? I am just starting the lifestyle and I am very interested to know about all the things that can go wrong and how to be aware and rationally solve them.