Revisiting Desire Resort & Spa: One Chapter Ends, Another Begins

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Revisiting Desire Resort & Spa: One Chapter Ends, Another BeginsA more profound awakening happened to me during my most recent trip to Desire Resort and Spa. This was my third trip and our shared partner’s first trip.

Firstly, I must give you a little background about me and the relationship that I and my partner (s) have towards this particular vacation spot. After 13 years of living a completely monogamous lifestyle and being very happy in our marriage, my husband and I sought to go to a romantic, nudist resort to celebrate our anniversary. Unbeknownst to us, we chose to attend the swinging lifestyle weekend at Desire Resort. What we thought would be just a place to have a romantic couple’s vacation turned out to be an introduction into the swinging lifestyle. My husband said it best when he stated, “My rebirth occurred in Desire Resort.” Ironically, I was the one who felt the nervous rumble in my stomach that said this was more than your average couple’s vacation. I was also the one who was adamant about finding this thing called a sin room and trying it out. I swear, I really had no concept of swinging back then.

My husband was right: our initial trip to Desire was a rebirth. Our entire mentality on love and relationships had changed in a grand way. We returned home and knew we were different. Moments after arriving home (the Seattle area at the time) we got on the Internet and made a swinging lifestyle (sls.com) account. Likewise, we began searching out sex­positive communities in Seattle.

Our awakening to the swinging lifestyle did not change our love for each other. Rather, it opened the door to self­discovery. We individually began exploring what was actually true for us in the realm of sexuality. It had never occurred to us to even think about such things prior to this trip. The lifestyle also enhanced our couple’s bond, introduced us to awesome events and clubs, and opened our eyes to a whole new community of people.

Fast Forward now to April 2015. Our relationship had most definitely expanded. We were not just swingers anymore. In fact, we had gone through many changes, which goes way beyond the scope of this article. The grandest shift of all was that we were now in a polyamorous triad relationship. Our shared partner had just moved into our, now, San Jose, apartment. This was a developing relationship, and we were both excited and nervous to see how things would progress. Our partner shared that her birthday was coming up in August. She knew of our “Desire” story and told us she had never gone to this all­inclusive resort. We were shocked. We immediately bought tickets to celebrate her birthday week in Desire resort. We couldn’t have been more excited and started counting down the days to our trip. For those that are aware of the resort, you may know they have nightly theme nights where you dress up in costume. We started collecting and/or buying costumes for each of the theme nights. Some of the costumes we had from previous lifestyle parties we attended. Our partner got brand new costumes for this trip. It was a tremendous buildup for all of us.

Once our vacation arrived, our 5 nights and 6 days seemed more like a mixed bag of positive and negative experiences. We tried very hard to not come into this with any expectations; however, we were surprised by the environment we walked into. As always, Desire was beautiful, a delightful paradise. The staff catered to our every need. If there was one thing we all agreed on, it was that the service was exceptional with the staff paying close attention to our desires and needs. As an example, once we seemed to attach to a favorite drink, the staff would bring it to us without us even making a request! While we relished over the clean resort, all­inclusive dining and drinking, great daily/nightly activities, and awesome service, something felt really “off.”

It took us a few days to realize what was so different: the guests of the resort were very much to themselves. Where was the open, inviting atmosphere? Where were all those flirtations? Not only did people stay within their own couple or click, they did not get dressed up for the nightly themes or get wild on the dance floor! Obviously, this was a very conservative crowd. We later learned that the more open groups attend Desire Resort in January and March. For someone like me who is hypersensitive to my environment, I felt uncomfortable and disappointed by the lack of socializing and light­hearted playfulness and teasing. And, this comment is coming from me,­ someone who is less of a swinger today and more of an alternative individual who appreciates the sex-positive stance. Despite the ” off” energy, my partners and I danced at the nightly Disco, enjoyed a triad massage, embraced the all­inclusive dining experiences, and relaxed at the poolside. Of course, we also had great sexual experiences with each other. To top this off, our Man took deep sea diving classes and became certified. Apparently, he always wanted to do this!!

Try as we might to ignore certain aspects of the resort, we could not help notice certain things as our vacation progressed. We were under the impression that this was a threesome week. Other than us, we may have only seen one other threesome playing in the pool. It became very apparent just how couple­centric the resort REALLY was. In our room, we could only get a queen bed and two robes. The sensual classes provided were for couples only. Even the restaurants provided dishes with couples in mind. I don’t think I have ever been more aware of couple privilege that I was while attending this vacation. But, my general awareness of couple privilege has increased ten­fold since becoming a triad.

We ended the week with a private dining experience right on the beach. We toasted to our partner’s birthday, as well as the love we all felt for each other. Of all the lovely amenities this place offers, this moment was probably my favorite. It was just our triad connection hearing the waves and watching a lightning storm in the nightly sky.

Ultimately, returning to Desire Resort taught me something else about myself. While I yearned for openness from others, I actually don’t resonate with swinging anymore. The concept of others invading my personal space and introducing themselves via touching my breasts (this happened on this trip, interestingly) just doesn’t appeal to me. I love my partners. I love sharing intimacy with the people I love. I love sex. But, I don’t care to look for love outside of my triad. My partners are more flirtatious and open than me. They get energy from the fun atmosphere of a lifestyle party. To feel a more conducive atmosphere from Desire Resort, they have arranged to go back this next January. Apparently, January is National Swinger’s Month. We discussed this being a triad vacation until I reflected more and realized it probably would not align with my current energy or needs. As I write this, I wonder what my needs are. My world shifted when I opened up my relationship. Desire Resort played a central role in that shift. Now, I am stepping back and re­examining my feelings about the lifestyle. I am confused. I also feel the loss of a the first time I ever set foot in Desire Resort. The only way I can describe it is to say that I was awakened from the Matrix and introduced to aspects of myself ­ and others ­ that I never even dreamed existed.

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About Author

I am a sex-positive Generation Xer in love with life and my partners. Creative and passionate, you can find me watching the next "Cique du Soleil" in Vegas, or enjoying the next season of "The Voice." That's right - I absolutely LOVE musicals and anything to do with the performing arts. You know what else I love about artsy realty shows? People's stories of overcoming hardships and living their dreams! I love listening to people's stories and I love genuinely sharing my own life stories. I consider myself a "Love & Sex Blogger, but I also passionately write on women's empowerment, compassion, spirituality, and stories of the heart. Lastly, after 5 months living in the Bay Area, I enjoy reviewing getaways, restaurants, and sex-positive socials and scenes - for anyone who might be interested!

1 Comment

  1. A very thoughtful comment. My question is, do you think the atmosphere you felt at Desire is related to the general lack of civility in the world today.

    We use to charter sailboats in the Virgin Islands and in the “old” days part of the enjoyment was meeting and socializing with people on other boats. After a long absence we chartered again this summer and when we went to visit the other boats they acted like we were out to rape and pillage. We missed the sharing of experiences. We ended our vacation feeling we were cheated out of something.

    Hopefully these anti-social people will see the fallacy of their actions and we will then both be able to enjoy sharing our experiences with friendly and socially like minded People.

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