Getting Started – Hotel Parties

photo by Bailoo

In my last blog we covered the Clubs. In this article we are going to cover Hotel parties, which are a very different beast. So what is different?

• Hotel parties are usually not more than once a month, depending on the organizers.
• The organizers are frequently one or two couples with some helping couples for logistics, etc.
• The location is a public hotel and there are frequently non party-goers in the hotel at the time of the party.
• Your “donation” goes toward paying for the room and food – most hotel parties, like many clubs are BYOB.

The Hotel Parties that we have attended here in the Mid-Atlantic region have been small parties. They are in suite-style hotels where one or two suites have been reserved for the party. Those rooms have a kitchen and living room with a couch and chairs and then two bedrooms (1 with a king size bed and 1 with two queen / double beds) and two bathrooms. If there are two suites reserved, one is often used as the meet & greet and sign-in space and the other as the party/play space.

I know that there are much larger hotel parties that happen around the country. I have heard about one in the D.C area where they reserve an entire floor or wing for their party and also a banquet / party room downstairs for the meet & greet portion of the evening. We have not attended one of those parties but I have talked to several people who have.

How do you find these parties?

• Generally the parties that we have been invited to and/or attended were from a Group – either on Yahoo or one of the swing sites that we are members of.
• Definitely talk to people you meet at clubs or chat with online – word of mouth is the best way to find out about groups like this. Some groups require a recommendation from an existing member.
• Check the local swing sites to see if there are announcements about parties in your area.

What to expect?

• Once you contact the organizer, they may ask for a picture of the two of you, if you are planning to attend as a couple. If the group is trying to keep a handle on the number of single guys attending their events, they like to make sure that you are a couple. We did show interest in one group who required a picture because they only admit “attractive, fit, and hip people” because that is who their clientele is. I wrote back, “thanks but no thanks, I doubt that we meet your criteria” – we just weren’t comfortable with that type of labeling (and exactly how do you tell how “hip” someone is??). Anyway…
• The organizer will probably also ask for a cell phone number. Sometime you have to verify your couple status by phone but the most important reason for giving out your cell phone number is so that once you have paid they can TEXT you the room number on the day of the party. The actual room number of the party may not be known to the organizers until they check in on the afternoon of the party.
• There will be a charge to help cover the room charges, etc. Don’t be surprised if they ask for this up front. These are frequently just everyday people who like to organize parties and have fun and they probably don’t have the money to pay for a nice room in advance, depending on the location and number of rooms they are reserving.
• Often single ladies are offered a discounted rate for the party, sometimes the ladies will be asked for a food donation instead of a monetary donation.

The Day of the Party

• The key is to remember that you are in a public hotel so dress accordingly and be discrete. If the party has a theme, and like the clubs they frequently do, plan to dress in street clothes for travel and arrival and change once you get into the party space. This is also a caveat about Hotel parties – you are in a Public Hotel… unless it is a particularly big party, there is a good chance that there are non-party goers in the area and, unless they have a lot of control over the space, even if they have a whole floor that doesn’t keep someone from walking into the area from another floor. We were talking to a couple the other day who said that they went to a hotel party with several rooms on one floor but the floor also had families in some of the rooms, which proved to be very awkward as the night went on and people kept drinking.
• Most Hotel parties are BYOB so bring whatever you would like to drink and make sure to LABEL your bottle(s). Frequently your hosts will have mixers available but if you are choosy, bring everything you want to drink.
• The food at Hotel Parties, unless they say otherwise, is frequently heavy hors d’oeuvres so plan to eat dinner prior. That’s a good time to make plans to meet other people who are attending the same party to chat a bit before hand.
• Make sure that your cell phone is charged and available – the organizer will probably be texting you the room number. Also, don’t stop at the lobby and say where you are going… they may not know that the organizers are having 30 people in their room!
• What to bring – similar to the Clubs:
  • Lubricant and condoms – although some groups do provide both, there is no guarantee
  • Towels – if you are planning to shower, remember this is a hotel so the towels are probably very limited
  • Personal hygiene items like toothbrush, etc.
  • Toys – I have been to a couple groups where a single guy would bring a Sybian which certainly broke the ice. If you choose to share toys with others or use others toys, please make sure to use a condom on the toy for health & safety reasons! You might also want to pack some antiseptic wipes so you can clean up the toys before and after use.

The Party Scene

• There is normally a check-in area, sometimes a separate room. This is where you meet your hosts and get the lay of the land. I have been to parties where you had to sign a waiver stating that you were not with the media or law enforcement, etc. just like at a club. This is also when they review the rules for the group.
• Rules:
  • No Means No!
  • One group I was part of had a Clothes Off rule – at 10 p.m. everyone was asked to get out of their street clothes. The men would generally wear nicer shorts and the ladies would change into negligees or sexier clothes. Rarely did people walk around stark naked but it does happen occasionally, particularly as the night progresses. The organizers reasoning was that it helped to break the ice (which it certainly did) and it helped keep out the “tourists” who just wanted to stand in a corner and watch, as if they were at a zoo.
  • Joining into play – because the atmosphere is obviously much smaller than a club, it is also easier to join into play that is happening but, just like any lifestyle event, you must ask permission before touching.
  • Sharing space – again, this is a much smaller space, so if a couple is on one side of a king-sized bed and there is room for more – you may ask if you can use the rest of the bed but that doesn’t not give permission to join in their play, you still need to ask for that.
  • Talking – if you are in a room where play is going on and you are chatting with someone, if you are not able to move to another room, try to keep your voices down. Someone talking about their most recent surgery or their kids can be distracting to those who are playing.
• The most interesting part of a Hotel party can be the voyeuristic aspect. At Clubs most rooms are Closed Door so you really can’t just watch but in a hotel it is so much smaller, you really don’t have much choice but to watch.
• On that same vein though, it is also easier for people to approach you, especially single men. Make sure that you are prepared to say No clearly if you are not interested. They may or may not come up in chit chat – they may just come up and ask if they can touch (yes, I have had that happen on more than one occasion). In such an intimate setting there are definitely fewer boundaries.

General Thoughts

• Hotel parties aren’t for everyone. I will admit that we have not attended any of the big hotel parties and I’m sure we will if we have the opportunity. Hotel parties are more participatory than Clubs. No one has to play but it seems a little harder to say “no”. There is more of an expectation for everyone to join in – that doesn’t mean you have to take part with others. Sometimes you can be “kinky” and stick with the partner you attended the party with! What you can absolutely expect is that you won’t find a room to yourselves.
• in the more closed environment of a hotel party you are more likely to see, and try, a wider range of toys that you would normally come across at a club. Yes, you are more likely to come across toys, or tools, that usually only grace the pages of sites like fuckingmachines.com.
• Like clubs or any lifestyle event, each party is different. Sometimes they are wild and fun and other times more quiet and intimate. I had a group that I belonged to before I met my Heart and they were very close… all the parties I attended were fun but each one had a flavor of it’s own so if you attend one party and you liked the people but the party was particularly quiet, be sure to give it another chance.

Next: Getting Started – House Parties

Related posts:

1. Getting Started – Clubs
2. On Parties and Clubs
3. Getting Started – the Playing Rules
4. Getting Started – The Why
5. Tyler and Holly Give Swing Clubs Another Chance